Day in the Life of an Idiot

 
Image: honey bee(/) on the wrong end of dipping yellow flower

I am still breathing, which is good, but my stomach flora has been descimated by the antibiotic, alas. So, I have not felt like writing much for the last couple of days as I have been hanging close to the bathroom (sorry, TMI.) I have to say? I am a fan of Flonase!  It has helped tremendously with the whole sleeping through the night thing! Am I improving, though? It's so hard to say because the solution to one problem has clearly lead to another. 

I did manage, on Tuesday, to record a new Mona Lisa Overpod episode, our 30th! If you're interested in the art of Moebius, feel free to check it out. 

Otherwise, I have been entertaining myself by playing around with scheduling Gaylaxicon. We have a grid and I've been enjoying plugging in panels and seeing what kind of line-ups I can create. As I am but one member of the committee, I've been doing this on a dummy schedule with the thought that I can share it with the programming head and we can, if no one else has anything to share, use it as a draft. I'm sure that we will be moving things around until the very last minute. It's like a puzzle game, though, what with everyone's schedules and the desire not to overbook everyone. Wish me luck with that. 

I will tell you all? It's going to be an AMAZING con if we pull this thing off!

Otherwise, it't toast and yogurt for me!

Hopefully, you all are doing better!

I drove Shawn to her appointment at the Spine Center today, despite the very slippery conditions and snow. While I waited for her, I spent my time in the car checking out the new Duolingo format. (The short of it: I don't hate it. Not sure I love it, but it's fine?)  

She came out all smiles. The doctor she talked to was apparently from California and so they'd ended up chatting for an extra half hour. Those of you from my birth state might be thinking that I am making some kind of jab at you, but my personal experience is that the typical Californian is generally perceived as sixteen thousand times more chatty and friendly than your average native Minnesotan. I realize that not everyone in a state can be categorized one way, but since this is, for me, a positive association, I guess I'm willing to take the heat if people want to argue with me. To be fair, Shawn is used to me and so I think that there's something that other Californians just sense in her--that she will be receptive to the fact that the guy she went to for spinal expertise ALSO wants to talk about archives and history podcasts and Trumpism and everything. I was only sad that I was sitting in the car and not in on this conversation. I suspect if both of us Californians (I was only born there, but SOMETHING stuck) had been in the room at the same time, we would have all ended up to dinner together because that's how I roll among my people. 

The good news is that the doctor feels that some PT and muscle relaxants might significantly improve the problem for Shawn. He also tried to convince her (jokingly) not to think of it as spinal "degeneration," but "age-related wear." To which my clever wife, responded, "Ah, yes, like 'moving through the demographic cycle' instead of aging." 

Okay, back to the kitchen painting grind for me!

 Shawn had her visit to the urologist today. I will give all the gory details under the cut, but the short answer is: all the problems may be a known side-effect of the blood thinner she is on.

( Read more...not a lot more detail, but you know it can be boring )

She is just emotionally exhausted right now? We spent last night just spacing out to the new season of one of our favorite British cop shows. "Line of Duty.

I spent today catching up on  A03 comments on my gigantic Bleach fic. I'd intended to use some of that momentum to do some work on my space opera, but maybe after dinner at this point... honestly, I wish there were more episodes to watch? I'm also kind of burned out.  I'm also mad at the book I"m currently reading, ROAD OUT OF WINTER... so that always puts me in a weird mood. (My anger is all about the kind of book I wanted, which this no longer seems to be. I had been looking for a quiet apocalypse survival story and we have literally veered into Mad Max territory and so I'm grumpy.)

What have you all been watching lately? Anything interesting?

My lovely wife Shawn has a lot of medical issues... on one of her many forms at the doctor's there's a list of her ailments and the sheet says, as it reaches the bottom or the printed page, "Problem list continues." We have long joked that this is the title of her memoir.

Medical stuff is under the cut. The down and dirty is: Shawn is okay, but remains a medical mystery. We will be seeing a urologist ASAP.

( Read more... about annoying doctors and TMI medical details )

I really had wanted to do more processing about how I felt about this year's low-key gathering at WisCON, but my brain is fried after five hours at the ER yesterday. I am very glad we went. Despite the doctor's attempts to undermine Shawn's sense of her own wellness, Shawn's instincts are good. A  few years ago, she was the one who decided that she just didn't like feeling unwell, and BECAUSE A DOCTOR LISTENED TO HER, they discovered a blood clot that, untreated, would have killed her.

This time I wish Shawn had gotten clearer answers, because the not-knowing is very stress inducing.  But, we are taking steps to uncover this mystery. 

 I actually have a few things that I want to talk about on reading Wednesday, but I feel I owe everyone a separate entry about how Shawn is doing this afternoon.

She is taking the day off work, which I think is a very good idea.  She is fine. All the results came back normal--at least in terms of "did she have a stroke?" No. "Did she have a heart attack?" No.

But--and I may rant about this--here's the thing that drives me crazy every single time we go through this kind of crisis: the answer to the question is "Does anyone know WHY this happened?" is also "No." Likewise, "does anyone have a clue what this even *is* or if there is something to be done about it," is also still, "No."

I understand that migraines are weird and that they have baffled neurologists for a long time. And, frankly, Shawn is resigned to this fact. She nods along when people just shrug and tell her, "Well, I guess it's just a new symptom?" 

She keeps a migraine headache journal, which would be lovely, if EVERY SINGLE DAY DID NOT SHOW A MIGRAINE. Seriously, Shawn can count on her fingers the number of days a month she is headache free, usually on one hand.  I am prone to hyperbole, but this is not one of those moments. I'm not exaggerating in the least. Shawn has had entire weeks where she's having a migraine or a rebound migraine or a cluster headache that then precedes another round of migraines.

When she had her gallbladder out, it was extremely deteriorated to the point that they had to switch from a robot guided routine removal to getting a skilled surgeon involved. After the surgery that should have taken a couple of hours, but ended up as 5 hours, the doctor said to me, "I have NEVER in all my life as a surgeon who specializes in gallbladders ever seen one in worse shape. Most people are screaming from that kind of pain. Does your wife tolerate pain?" 

I just laughed and said, "She lives with migraine pain so much she probably never even felt it."

He was honestly horrified.

And I want more people to be, you know? I woke up this morning in very much of a "I am done with all the bulls*t in the world" feeling--like ALL of it--and one of the things I am done with is shrugging off these trips to the ER. I should say, that I still think Shawn is right to go? Her instincts are good. I am NOT mad that we went? I am mad that we aren't any closer to understanding Shawn's migraines and that the answer from medical professionals is a giant "I dunno? Try living with it?" 

I should also be clear that no doctor at the emergency room told Shawn this. But, okay, what I told Shawn at lunch just now was that I would like her to start considering this problem holistically.  Okay, so the neurologist is at her wit's end, that's probably fair.  I do think Shawn could also consider trying out a migraine expert at somewhere like the Mayo as well, but you know, that may take some time to finagle. In the meantime, maybe see a nutritionist? Because we have never tried to see if there are environmental or food triggers to her migraines. Personally, if it were me, I would be checking out acupuncture, too? But, Shawn is skeptical and hates needles and it's her decision, her body. As her wife, I just want her to start thinking about other additional avenues for solutions.  

At this point, with the kind of pain she just lives with, I feel like throwing things against the wall to see what sticks isn't a bad policy?? 

/rant

The bottom line is that Shawn is FINE. If you are okay with the room being on fire as "fine.'  Which, to be fair to her and the medical profession, does seem to be normal for Shawn.

NOTE: I'm not looking for advice, per se? But, if friends of mine out there have migraines (even if they don't seem as serious as the ones I'm describing that Shawn has) I would love to hear what people do to try to mitigate them? Like, do you have special eye masks? Do you know if you have food triggers (I've heard about chocolate and red wine, is that true for you/your friend/relative?) Do you do anything to help stress that might trigger migraines? Seriously, talk to me about your headaches and migraines, I'd like to start to compile a list of things for Shawn to TRY.

First of all, Blessed Samhain to those who celebrate it.


Image: Me with my pandemic hair, showing off a pumpkin carving.

My Halloween was fairly uneventful. Since we decided to not hand out candy, we did our ritual and Mason and I played a bit of a video game and that was that.

Sunday morning, Mason had a deadline for an early action college which he got together in time, we hit the send together--the common app has a button called "celebrate" which allows you to sit there for a moment and watch confetti burst behind the YOU FINISHED screen. Not gonna lie, we pressed that button at least three times.

And, then things conspired to put me in a really crappy mood... not the least of which was discovering that our void cat, Willow, had swallowed a needle.

First: SHE IS OKAY. We got her to the emergency vet in time, she did manage to puncture her esophagus but they removed the needle (and thread still attached) with only the barest need for an incision.

The whole story of my idiot cat will appear beneath the cut.

( Read more... not gross, but maybe you don't need the stress today? )

Who eats needles?? Does Willow have some kind of past life as a DOG???

And, then, as I said on FB, she found an outside leaf stick on the floor and immediately tried to eat that. When I took it away from her, I said, "Are you suicidal!? Gimme that!"

IT'S LIKE WE HAVE A TODDLER AGAIN. 

We have since hidden all the needles and other sharp objects and... yeah, she seems to be doing fine? She has an allergy to sutures that I forgot to tell the vet about in last night's panic, but all that seems to mean is that the wound is puckering a little and is itchy. I might ask my regular vet is there's anti-itch cream for cats that would be safe to put on it. Last thing we want is for her to pull that out... and, oh my god, if any cat could, it would be Willow. We spent so much time after her spay running around yelling, "WILLOW NO, DON'T LICK THAT! You're not supposed to play rough....AHHHHH, WILLOW!"

The more I write about this, the more I am convinced she was, in fact, a dog in her past life.

But, here she is, just five minutes ago, still somewhat cross-eyed playing her favorite "mouse under the rug" game.


Image: Groggy Willow at play.

 This is not probably going to be a very long journal entry today. The sun is out and Mason would like to go off for a walk after he finishes his Stats quiz. 

I just wanted to catch y'all up on a couple of things. Do you remember when Shawn had suddenly very dark and scary urine? This was not the bloodclot or any of the other small (and large) dramas around that, but had happened right about when all the COVID-19 stuff had only just started to make it impossible to get in to see your general doctor? ( cut for medical stuff you might not care about and some covid talk )So, that was my morning.

I was grateful for last night's rain. I have been waiting for rain because my garden is looking pretty parched. I also spread a bunch of cover seeds and I am anxious for them to begin to spout. We are supposed to get rain on and off this week and I very much hope we do (even if it means I can't go for my daily walks.)

This weekend I seem to have inspired a bunch of my Facebook friends into remembering the pie crust cookies their grandmothers/mothers/parental unit types used to make for them that involved taking scraps of leftover (or screwed) up pie crust and dusting them with cinnamon and sugar and baking them for a few minutes.  I normally just do like gramma did: leave them as misshapen scraps, brush them with a bit of water, and throw cinnamon and sugar on them, but I got fancy this weekend and pulled out the cookie cutters and the colored Christmas sugars:

Because: DINOSAURS

Image: dinosaur and star cookies with an egg wash and Christmas sugar.

I feel like both my grandmothers would be rocking this apocalypse. For certain my grandma Mouse had already lived through the Spanish flu pandemic, having been born in 1909. I remember her birth year because it was, apparently, also the first year they issued the Lincoln head penny.  Of course now that I am so certain of it, 1909 could very well have been my grandpa's birth year.  Memory is like that.  

The point is, however, they were already doing like a lot of people who had lived through the Great Depression were doing: saving all the things and never wasting ANY food.  Hence the recipe where you even use the sort of dull pie crust leftovers. 

Did your grandparents/parents do anything like this you've been thinking about later? I'd love to hear some wisdom from the elders, as it were.

The exciting news of today is that I officially accepted a pinch hit for Yuletide. 

Yay!

I adore pinch hitting. It's funny, because, even though it means that I won't receive a treat myself, I don't think I'll ever go back to officially doing the Yuletide exchange. There's just something about the whole process of pinch hitting that I love. Everything from watching the requests for pinch hits roll in to the adrenaline rush of taking the plunge and putting your name in for an assignment... it just makes me happy somehow. It's weird.

It's hilarious in its own way that I've accepted an assignment because I feel very behind on writing--letter (aka "snail mail") writing. For those of you just tuning in, one of my actual, honest-to-god hobbies is pen pal-ling. I joined the International Pen Friends some years ago and have regular pen pals around the world to whom I write personal, snail mail letters. But, I currently have a STACK of unanswered letters on the dinning room table. I'm thinking that the holiday break will be a good time to finally catch up with everyone. I think it's acceptable to send holiday cards any time before Christmas all the way through to New Years, right?

What else can I tell you?

Oh, I know! I'd wanted to give a quick recap of anime night, mostly so that I can remember what I watched.

I ended up going late and leaving early, so it wasn't the usual marathon sampling session, but we did watch another episode of ReLife and the whole of Your Name.  Your Name you may recall is something that I'd listened to on a Japanese language immersion learning podcast. It was very surreal to finally see the movie. I didn't realize the extent to which my brain had made up pictures in my head about what I thought was going on. To be extremely clear. I don't think I understood more than a half a dozen words in the entire two hour podcast (and the majority of the words I did understand consisted of "arigato" and "domo," so nothing that should have given me any hint of the story).  It makes NO SENSE, therefore, that my brain would have filled in anything in any kind of detail. However, sound effects are surprisingly contextualizing. For instance, I knew there would be a scene in an underground cave (echoing dripping sounds for the win!). I had no idea why we were there or what exactly transpired in the scene (except that something magical[??] got drunk), but it was weird to be watching the movie and KNOW that I'd "seen" this in my head before. Very weird. But, the experience also made me want to find a way to do more of this kind of passive listening/learning. To that end, I've been looking into ways to purchase Drama CDs from Japan. Because, why not, right? 

Eleanor and I are planning to try to go see Terry Garey at the nursing home again this week, probably Friday. We'd initially planned to go Monday, but, having seen her the Thursday before, I had to tell Eleanor that I just wasn't emotionally ready for it again so soon. If you've been following along with the  detailed journal on Caring Bridge, Denny does a pretty good job of explaining some of Terry's issues, but, some of what he leaves out is that memory wards are just hard. There are people there who just aren't there. You see them just staring at the walls in the dining room, not even seeming to notice the food in front of them. There are people who randomly yell or moo (seriously.) That being said, it's absolutely true that Terry needs visitors (just, you know, be prepared for the atmosphere if you come during a meal time, in particular.)

She always perks up to see people.  One of the issues Terry has been having is with getting enough to eat and, last time we were there, Denny offered everyone a cookie from the ones his family had brought and Terry ate, sort of perfunctory (perfunctorily?), to be sociable. Last time when we were there, she also was cheerfully explaining that because she was an army brat, it was easy for her to get used to this place. I suspect that was true (I know the army brat part is,) but also the sort of thing you say in front of company, even when you're bored and want to go home.

So, I don't know--I do hope people who are close and who remember Terry consider visiting. Those places are boring and dreary. My dad had to spend a serious amount of time recovering in one of them and they just kind of suck. 

It makes me think a lot about Fandom (capital-F, as in the local people who go to cons, etc., as opposed to one's small-f, fandom,) and about casual friendships. I feel like I know a lot of people, yet I'm not sure how many of them I know all that well... I mean, people I could call in an emergency, etc.  And, yet, I think I'm actually fairly well connected to actual, real people, thanks to a bunch of things like my local, in-person writers' group. I'm not sure what I want to say about this other than to repeat something Eleanor has been saying a lot: "stay socially connected." 

Anyway.

I should start plotting out a story. Plus, I have to hop up in about twenty minutes to go collect Mason from his job at the Science Museum.

First things first, Shawn is doing well.

Part of her foot/leg is still a little numb, but when I asked her about it right now, she said, "It's getting a little better." She's pretty convinced that it's back related, since she's starting to get a few twinges now and again. That hospital bed was crap. Plus, she could not roll on to her side to sleep, thanks to all the wires and IVs and whatnot, so I'm SURE that contributed to whatever pinched nerve thing is going on.

We saw the hematologist on Tuesday morning. That was reassuring, as the doctor said that all of the extra blood work/genetic tests came up negative, so there was no hitherto unknown, random genetic mutation causing blood clots for Shawn. The longterm use of estrogen does seem to be the main suspect. She's completely off that now, so there really should NOT be any new problems. The only thing looming, potentially, are some menopause symptoms, but they had put her on an anti-depressant that has an off-label usage for hot flashes, etc., and that seems to have done the trick, so far as we can tell. She's tapering off those now, too, on doctor's okay. The hematologist is going to check back in with us in five months. If Shawn's blood shows no sign of extra-clot-y-ness, then she can be weaned off the blood thinners, as well.

Shawn's diet is 100% back to normal now, too.

She's still doing an erratic work schedule. Shawn still gets REALLY EXHAUSTED easily, but she's managed a couple of full days. She's just got so much vacation and sick time that she's decided to go ahead and burn through it so that she doesn't overdo it at work. I think this is always a wise course. There is nothing worth your health, IMHO. But, especially not work.

Meanwhile, our kitty Deliah continues to quite literally limp along. The vet consulted with her colleagues and it's fairly clearly bone cancer/lymphoma of some sort that is eating away at Deliah's hipbone. There was talk of chemotherapy and bone biopsies, but we have decided to go more palliative, in terms of our care plan for this sixteen year old cat.

Deliah is currently on pain meds, a steroid, and an antibiotic--all of which seem to be doing her a world of good. She stopped hiding and, even though her limp is still pronounced, she's been making it up and down the stairs, up on to the bed (with the help of a step stool that we had there for our other elderly cat, anyway,) and even into the windowsill to watch the birds. She's been eating and drinking normally. The only hiccup is the liter box. She can get into it okay, but she has trouble lifting her tail, so I've had to do a bit of "clean-up on aisle five" as we like to say.  If I can clear out anything large, she will still clean herself, so that's something, too. The worst part of Ms. Ball's illness was watching her be unable to even do basic grooming. 

So, outside of a few issues, Deliah quality of life is currently basically back to normal.  

I think we're just going to hold the course, then, as long as we can. For us, what's important is that Deliah is able to do what she wants and needs to. When she's no longer able, we'll revisit all of this.

Old cats are old, alas.

Mason and I are leaving Friday morning for LA. We found ourselves a funky little hotel in Culver City (one of the zillion LA suburbs) that is close to a lot of fun things and not far from a light rail stop. Despite everyone's advice to the contrary, Mason and I are going to attempt to do LA without a car. If we decide we want to drive up Highway 1, we may rent one then, but mostly I'd like to try to make do with taxis and public transit. WISH ME LUCK. This may be a very foolhardy attempt. 

Other than the e-sports games and the tour of UCLA, we don't have a lot of stuff planned. I'm hoping to do what we did in Washington, D.C., all those years ago, and just bring along all our guide books and make up an itinerary each day, as we go. Neither of us are big on the whole Hollywood / Universal Studios part of LA, so we are likely to be doing a lot more of the off-the-beaten track things. I'm very excited to discover that there is a Japantown (Little Tokyo) in LA, as well as a number of other ethnic neighborhoods for us to explore. Mason really wants to spend some time at the ocean, so we're likely to do that, as well.

It feels weird not to have a lot of plans. But, I dunno, it should be interesting.

The timing is a little goofy, but Shawn is definitely well enough that I don't feel terrified to leave her on her own. Even so, I feel like this summer has been a lot more running around and traveling and, well, freaking out, than I normally like. I have to honestly say that I'm looking forward to school starting and for all of us to return to a normal routine.

Oh, what am I reading on this Wednesday? Not a ton. Mason gave me Six of Crows (a YA fantasy novel) to read while we were in the hospital, which I'm still slowly working on.  I also read a couple of manga, including Given (which all the kids are into, thanks to a new anime on Crunchyroll, which I'm also all caught up on--new one out tomorrow!) The others that I read were in prep of a yakuza based podcast I'm going to be recording soon, but they aren't otherwise really worth mentioning. When the podcast comes out, I'll definitely post a link here, anyway.

 

I  just got back from taking our penultimate eldest cat to the vet, Deliah. Deliah is 16 and developed an alarming limp... possibly while we were in the hospital with all of Shawn's medical nonsense. Kitty has one of two problems. First, it is not entirely clear from the x-ray, because Delia has a big poop in the pipeline, but, maybe she broke her hip. 

Or she has bone cancer.

I may have blown most of my spell slots by casting the 10th level "Cool in the Face of Danger" spell on myself, so as not to collapse in a quivering pile of sads in front of our new (amazing) vet. 

For those who followed the previous cat drama, I did not and will not go back to the terrible vet (Como). We found this new one: Maplebrook Pet Care. I'm already in love with it because they could tell I was low on spell slots yesterday just talking to me on the phone and they took the initiative and contacted our previous vet to get Deliah's health records sent over. (I was supposed to contact All Paws, but just never managed it. I was prepared to take the blame and have them sent over ASAP today, but someone just did it for me and I have never loved anyone more than this stranger/recptionist.) 

I'm also loving them because they offered to have a new x-ray done post poop on Friday, so that the results might be clearer, FOR FREE. Seems like a no brainer, but not sure that the Other Place would have offered to do so gratis. 

We are waiting on blood work to tell us more about Deliah. There may be some clue in the blood as to whether or not it's cancer or just a broken bone. I... with everything that's happened to our cats this year, I don't even know if I have the strength to hope that it's the lesser of the two options. It's never something easily fixed. It's always a death sentence, and, shit, yeah, I know Deliah is 16, but JFC, could we NOT do this again this year??

Ugh.

I'm going to go nap and see if I can't recover a couple higher level spell slots so that I can go get the dish soap we ran out of an vacuum the f*cking rug.