I had a very Minnesotan experience at the coffee shop today that I thought I'd share.
For those of you who don't know me very well, let me paint you a picture. I'm the sort of person who keeps up a running monologue, out loud, all the time. Mostly, people around me deal with this in one of two ways: they choose to engage or they choose to ignore me. I do this mostly intentionally. Like, most of the time, I realize I'm just sort of talking to myself out loud. But, I live in Minnesota, the land of the stony silences and "mind your own damn business." (<--Which Governor Waltz tried to sell as a plus, but which is actually, in practice kind of 50/50 a Good Thing. Some people call this "Minnesota Nice," others of us call it "Minnesota Ice.")
So, there I am at the coffee shop. I have just had a lovely little "how was your New Year's eve" chat with my barista Frankie, and I'm sort of drifting over towards the pick-up line continuing my thoughts on New Year's out loud. I happen to see that the question in the little notebook they keep at the counter says something like, "What's your New Year's resolution?" At this point, I happen to look up and see someone staring at me, and I have a sudden awareness that I've narrated this out loud. So, thinking that his person has, in fact, chosen to engage by making eye contact (an extrovert signal to each other), I say, intentionally, to her, "Do you do New Year's resolutions?"
She seems weirdly taken aback for someone who has been openly staring at me, but says that, no, she doens't do that kind of thing.
Again, I think to myself, ah I have accidentally engaged an introvert, but here we are, so I will just continue some pleasatries, like one does. So, I generally agree that there are just some resolutions not worth making, since you're only going to break them, and then say, "Even so, I like to set myself little themes for the year, so this year I'm hoping to make one new friend."
She says in the MOST Minnesota Ice tone possible, (people from the South, please imagine this sprinkled with lots of "Oh, hon!" and "Bless your heart"s.) "Well. Just keep talking to strangers, I'm sure it will work out for you."
For non-Minnesotans: this was a full-out smackdown. Translated to New York, "Well, you fucking weirdo, if you keep on like this, you might luck out and find another asshole just like yourself!"
But, it's 2025, and my personal theme is Don't Let the Bastards Get You Down. So, beneath my mask I gave her a dark sneer and then LEANED INTO TO PRETENDING I THOUGHT SHE WAS BEING KIND. I looked her in the eye and I basically said, "You think so, really? That so nice of you to say. You know, I'm not From Around Here and where I'm from people are friendly and kind and we all talk to each other to say hello and what not. Have you ever left your neighborhood? Or had more than your three childhood friends? No, I didn't think so, so anyway, New Years is such a lovely time of year, isn't it...."
I mean, I wasn't quite so blatant, but, Lady, here's a pro tip. If you don't want the weirdo talking to you, you're supposed to AVERT YOUR EYES. You would, in fact, know this if you had ever traveled say, to any city larger than St. Paul east of here. It's also clear you've never been west of here because people in California are actually a lot like me... and why I LOVED visiting there. (Which is, incidentally where I was born, though it should not have made the impression on me that it clearly did, as I only spent the first 6 months of my life under the Californian sun.)
For those of you who don't know me very well, let me paint you a picture. I'm the sort of person who keeps up a running monologue, out loud, all the time. Mostly, people around me deal with this in one of two ways: they choose to engage or they choose to ignore me. I do this mostly intentionally. Like, most of the time, I realize I'm just sort of talking to myself out loud. But, I live in Minnesota, the land of the stony silences and "mind your own damn business." (<--Which Governor Waltz tried to sell as a plus, but which is actually, in practice kind of 50/50 a Good Thing. Some people call this "Minnesota Nice," others of us call it "Minnesota Ice.")
So, there I am at the coffee shop. I have just had a lovely little "how was your New Year's eve" chat with my barista Frankie, and I'm sort of drifting over towards the pick-up line continuing my thoughts on New Year's out loud. I happen to see that the question in the little notebook they keep at the counter says something like, "What's your New Year's resolution?" At this point, I happen to look up and see someone staring at me, and I have a sudden awareness that I've narrated this out loud. So, thinking that his person has, in fact, chosen to engage by making eye contact (an extrovert signal to each other), I say, intentionally, to her, "Do you do New Year's resolutions?"
She seems weirdly taken aback for someone who has been openly staring at me, but says that, no, she doens't do that kind of thing.
Again, I think to myself, ah I have accidentally engaged an introvert, but here we are, so I will just continue some pleasatries, like one does. So, I generally agree that there are just some resolutions not worth making, since you're only going to break them, and then say, "Even so, I like to set myself little themes for the year, so this year I'm hoping to make one new friend."
She says in the MOST Minnesota Ice tone possible, (people from the South, please imagine this sprinkled with lots of "Oh, hon!" and "Bless your heart"s.) "Well. Just keep talking to strangers, I'm sure it will work out for you."
For non-Minnesotans: this was a full-out smackdown. Translated to New York, "Well, you fucking weirdo, if you keep on like this, you might luck out and find another asshole just like yourself!"
But, it's 2025, and my personal theme is Don't Let the Bastards Get You Down. So, beneath my mask I gave her a dark sneer and then LEANED INTO TO PRETENDING I THOUGHT SHE WAS BEING KIND. I looked her in the eye and I basically said, "You think so, really? That so nice of you to say. You know, I'm not From Around Here and where I'm from people are friendly and kind and we all talk to each other to say hello and what not. Have you ever left your neighborhood? Or had more than your three childhood friends? No, I didn't think so, so anyway, New Years is such a lovely time of year, isn't it...."
I mean, I wasn't quite so blatant, but, Lady, here's a pro tip. If you don't want the weirdo talking to you, you're supposed to AVERT YOUR EYES. You would, in fact, know this if you had ever traveled say, to any city larger than St. Paul east of here. It's also clear you've never been west of here because people in California are actually a lot like me... and why I LOVED visiting there. (Which is, incidentally where I was born, though it should not have made the impression on me that it clearly did, as I only spent the first 6 months of my life under the Californian sun.)