Day in the Life of an Idiot

As some of you already know, I have a Japanese pen pal.

Since the pandemic, we have exchanged emails in case of emergency or when we want to dash off a quick heads-up. The mail has been very wonky here, so I made the mistake of thinking that it might be nice to send along a note to her as things came up in the New York Times about Japan. So, this last month, I did not wait for her reply, but clipped a few articles of interest and sent them along. I was AWARE this might cause her some stress, but tried to make it clear in my letter that she was under no obligation to reply to each letter separately.

I got a sternly worded email the other day telling me to cease and desist.

To be fair, that's not at all what she ACTUALLY said or how she said it. But, culturally, I am aware that 'I appreciate your letters so much! There's a big pile of them to be answered on my desk now along with all the other work I must do (emphasis mine), I hope you will be patient with my replies," is actually HOLY SHIT, GIRL, STOP, I AM FEELING DEEPLY OVERWHELMED.  So, I wrote back a very, very apologetic reply. I told her that I was sincerely sorry if my extra letters stressed her out and I will sit on my hands now until I receive something from her. This was punctuated by some of the few words I can write in Japanese which are, すめません and ごめんなさい (excuse me and I'm sorry.) 

She wrote back the expected, "Oh, no, no, it's nothing, please don't worry," which means: GOOD, GLAD YOU GOT THE MESSAGE, DIP WAD, and a phrase I had never seen before. おこころづかいありがとうございます (o-kokorodsukai arigato gozaimasu).  I obviously recognize the polite thank you (the bit that begins with arigato,) but despite studying for several years now that beginning part was completely unknown to me. Google translate tells me that it means something like, "Thank you for your support." and it is obvious to this Japanese student that this is said in a very polite form.  

So, I guess I navigated our first fight okay? Or does the super-polite tag line mean that I'm still on her list?? 

Thoughts?

Likewise, I haven't felt much like watching anime as I do the dishes and having finished the live-action TV show, "Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories," (all five seasons,) I started listening to my Pimsleur tapes again. If you have followed my language learning for any amount of time you know that I take some issue with how SKEEVY Pimsleur is, or, as I like to call them, PIMPsleur. 

Actual series of exercises follows:

Skeevy Pimp-sleur: "Say, 'Where is your wife?'" 
Me (doing the dishes): Oksan wa doko desu ka?"
Skeevy Pimp-sleur: :Say, 'My wife? I don't know.'"
Me (already getting a bad feeling,) "Konnai? Wakarimassen."
Skeevy Pimp-sleur: "Now ask the young lady if she would like to have dinner with you."
Me: (shouting at the tape) "HOLY SH*T, Pimp-sleur, I WILL NOT."

This is NOT the first time I have had to have this kind of conversation with these language tapes, either.

As I have discussed here before, it is POSSIBLE that Pimsleur is trying to warn women of conversations that could be problematic, but I just don't know, you know? They have not taken the time on these tapes to explain that if someone says, "Mmmm, that's a little...." (So desu, chotto....") they are saying, NO, I AM NOT INTERESTED. Instead, the tapes keep going with "ask her, 'how about later then?' which is just rude and not to mention very skeevy in a culture that does not tend to like conflict or saying no directly. 

But this isn't what's making me feel like I'll never learn this language. Pimpsleur just tried to teach me how to say, "My wife would like to drink coffee" in a polite form and it's so f*cking complicated that my tongue trips over it every time. 

Remember when I yammered on about my Japanese language tapes and how someone should really record the language tapes we all really want, where there's an interesting story and things go horribly wrong on 'John Learner's trip abroad?

Well, I'm finally going to do it. It's not going to be exactly like my original vision, though I think it will be even more fun. I'm just starting to formalize my vision and gather resources. One of the resources I need is you. I'm looking for actors/people who can play pretend who speak ANY LANGUAGE OTHER THAN ENGLISH (or, possibly even any language other than American English). You don't need to be fluent, but you should be confident enough in your skills to be recorded speaking a few simple (if fantasy-ish) phrases for the show.

Your language skills could even included dead languages, like Latin, archaic versions of modern languages, like say ancient Greek or Old Norse, and made-up languages, like Jibberish (which would require only a lot of confidence to pull off.)

The podcast is going to be one part travelogue into the "Unseen World"--a place, like in Night Vale, where magic exists and demons and Sirens and other such creatures are real and walk hidden among us. The other part is going to be a language guide to meeting these creatures or encountering magic. So, for instance, the end of the show would include one of those language-tape type conversations:

Me (in American): Hello! It is nice to meet a dybukk! You have possessed your host very thoroughly, I see!
You (in Hebrew): ---------

Me: Why yes, I am open to that sexual position, dear succubus, but please do not devour me.
You (in Greek): -------

And, similar sorts of "useful" phrases a person might need when encountering a demon/magical creature from the culture your language is associated with. Jibberish, btw, I would expect to go along with an alchemical creature/magic, since the words jibberish came from the alchemical writings of al-Jibar.

So, if you have any interest, please let me know! I'd like to start writing scripts for this ASAP.