Day in the Life of an Idiot

 Because people asked, here is a list of the characters in of the never-gonna-write it allegorical murder mystery:

Our heroine, Helena Handbasket (because her life goes to pot.)
The lawyer (and possible love interest,) Scott Free

Other characters in no particular order:

May Hem (possibly the killer)
Tom Foolery (Irish, comic relief)
Herr Trigger (another possible suspect)
Justin Case (the General Store keeper)
Ann Thrax (red herring, because too obvious to be the killer)
Sam Monella (Ann's brother, also a red herring)
Miss Demeanor (local drag queen)
Polly Hedron (math/geometry teacher)
Frau Du Lent (Herr Trigger's wife, works at the bank)
Fy "Ring" Blanks (sheriff)
Hugh Manity (the social worker)
John Dis (the doctor)
Mal Content (another possible killer)
May Day (911 Dispatch operator)
Phil Osopher (the professor)
Polly Amory (a ringer, since she's just living her best life, but everyone thinks she's up to no good.)
Phil Andering (the cheating husband)
Miss Givings (local spinster)
Miss Lee Ding (another red herring, though also feeds our heroine bad info/clues)