Day in the Life of an Idiot

 I don't know what it is about me this week (Mercury Retrograde, looking at you), but my friends are feeling very willing to tell me--quite seriously and quite literally--to SHUT UP. 

Hey. universe? Knock it off. First of all, it's not working. I don't feel any particular or sudden need to be quiet. In fact, I feel like screaming (and crying, but I have already done the crying.)

I don't really understand what is provoking this reaction from people, either. I don't think I've been any more "aggressive" than I normally am. Maybe it's the haircut? 



Image: a punchable face, perhaps? This butch can take it! (Spoiler: luckily, yes, a little, but enough is enough, k?)

Maybe this bristly haircut makes me seem invulnerable to you? Maybe you've seen me laugh off worse things and assume that means I'm not easily hurt or affected by the things you say to me? Maybe you honestly think, "That Lyda, always talking! Someone needs to put her in her place for once! It'll be good for her! She clearly can't be listening with all that yacking!"

But, whatever. This post is not about the specifics, it's about something more general. The people involved have all apologized, the apologies have all been accepted etc., I'm just trying to figure out if AITA or if the universe is telling me something or what. 

Because, I do think there is something about me.

I feel like getting shutdown unfairly happens more frequently here in Minnesota and other parts of the Midwest to those of us who communicate via cooperative overlapping*. People who use my communication style (usually New Yorkers or Jewish folks--so how I got this way, I do not know, as I am neither--) are seen as "interruptive" by those who don't. Our enthusiasm gets misinterpreted as self-centeredness. It's rarely understood that cooperative overlapping is active listening. I am so into what you are saying that I would like to support you by building on what you just said, the two of us, together, with joy, or at least, vim and vigor. When I am told to shut up and sit on my hands and wait my damn turn, I feel as though I no longer have an active part to play in this conversation. I am given the impression that my opinions, my perspective, my support, my teasing out of your thoughts and ideas, my nurturing of this conversation and its outcome, no longer matter.

And, it's not like, living in Minnesota, I haven't been trained to bend to the dominant culture.

New York and California, they recognize me as one of their own. IMMEDIATELY. Side note: for real. I have never felt more at home and among my people, when I go to either coast, holy crap! Like, I actually BREATHE EASIER when I visit those places. Here, I am an outlier. Most of my friends are transplants for this very reason.

In public and professional spaces in the Midwest, I have learned to curb my enthusiasm or show it in other ways, like nodding or making the conversational noises, "Uh-huh," and the like. (Although some people do not even like "uh-huh" noises because they feel they are being tread upon.) I do know how to speak Minnesotan. Despite what you all seem to suddenly think of me, I was not, in fact, raised by wolves. (Okay, Wisconsinites, but that is still *in* the Midwest.) The thing is, you just don't notice when I'm playing by your rules. It feels NATURAL and RIGHT to you. You don't realize that I'm working to play your game they way you like it, against my very nature.. I only stand out those times when I forget myself, when my love or excitement or frustration for what we are talking about overwhelms me (or I think I'm safe being natural in your company). I actually, despite the way my communication style makes me come off, am a very patient person. I am actually here, in this moment, in this conversation, FULLY WITH YOU with my whole body. 

Unless you tell me to shut up when we are talking about something very important. Then, I'm out. You have successfully put me in a corner. Banished me

Something about this week, man. TWICE is a lot, actually, when it's this personal.

New York? California? You got some space for me? This non-Jewish cooperative overlapper / participatory listenership person needs her peeps! Where you at?



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* Link to an article entitled "In Real Life, Not All Interruptions Are Rude" from the New York Times (may be behind a paywall for you.) If it is, you can try out this HuffPost article called, "How to Know if You're An Interrupter or 'Cooperative Overlapper': This Conversation Style Seems Like Interrupting, But it Isn't." (I like the HuffPost article, because it not only points out the things people like me can do to make non-cooperative overlappers feel at ease--things I DO regularly, by the way, and am always aware of--but also tells those folks who don't do this, how to actually try to work with me and my style, so that both parties are working to compromise in a way that doesn't completely put the onus to conform on either party.) 


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Speaking of New York and surrounding areas, y'all okay? NYTimes just alerted me to your earthquake. I also  heard from a friend on Facebook that he felt that one.