Safety Tools in RPG
Jan. 25th, 2025 11:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lydamorehouse Because I'm NOT going to go into it with my role-playing group, I'm going to take a moment to rant here.
First off, if you've never heard of safety tools in TTRPGs, there is a really lovely FREE resource here: https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/288535/consent-in-gaming. The booklet is short, but really valuable and it comes with a free consent form that's PDF formfillable.
I know that a lot of people take issue with the idea that consent and saftey have become "codified" in RPGs. I'm here to tell you that if you actually read the free resource I direct you to, you will see that 1) they are not, and 2) they were never intended to be. Safety is a thing that needs to be flexible, individual, and organic--as well as generally part of the culture of a table--to function as intended. If your GM has built in good communication and trust from the start, it's absoluely NOT REQUIRED that every table use them. But, like if you do need them, it's important to actually UNDERSTAND the point of how and why and what best practices look like. An open table is great, but --
There also needs to be space for anonimity.
One of my groups is currently sharing a consent form on an Excel spreedsheet. Seems like a decent solution, in some ways, so that everyone's answer can be kept all together, right? Well, I mean, yes, if it's all just performative and provided there isn't anything truly sensitive that someone might not actually want the entire group to know.
Like, I think most of my friend group knows WHY I do not want storylines that involve stillbirth or endangered pregnancies, but I also sometimes am not feeling up to reliving my loss to explain to people who don't. When you have a private form, there is usually space for the reply to include specific information about what exactly triggers you and what doesn't in a way that doesn't have to involve the entire table being involved, if you don't want that. Like, sometimes I will still cry when I talk about Ella? And, maybe I'm at a new table where I'd rather not have someone's first impression of me be as a bawling mess...
But even on a shared form, if I wanted to actually give the GM more detail, it would have to be written as "Lyda would like to not have this paricular scenario for these reasons." Or, I just have to take a risk that the GM understands my specific triggers, which, honestly, still sometimes includes someone saying "stat!" in an emergency medical situation EVEN OUT OF THE CONTEXT OF A PREGNANCY.
Because that's how Shawn and I first learned that Ella was dead.
But, there's no space to have a private conversation where I could spell out some of my specific needs on a form shared with everyone.
Also, a lot of consent forms are designed (including the one that is currently being shared) to include things that you would enthusiastically consent to. I went ahead and checked the things I actually enjoy seeing played out in fiction, but... like, these are ALSO the sorts of things I would like to be able to explain privately. Because just writing "Slavery, Yay!" or "Racism, Yay!" kind of actually feels gross out of context, when what I mean is "in the context of ancient Rome and fantasy settings therein" or "like between elves and orcs."
But, let's be honest.
I'm not at all surprised to discover a deep misunderstanding how to actually USE safety tools from this particular individual.
We've played this game for seven years and this is our first introduction to Lines and Veils/Consent at all. Moreover, I fully expect this particular GM to use this consent form as a weapon, as in "You didn't mark it! You are not allowed to feel differently in a different context or at a later date!!"
He has already rules-lawyered my use of an X-Card to express a need to back away from something. He insisted to me both in public (in an email) and in a private message that I misused X-Card and Lines and Veils is the MORE CORRECT term. Thanks for taking the time to scold my use of language when what I am expressing is "ouch," but whatever. That already made it perfectly clear to me that if I don't use the right term my feelings are not valid and will not be addressed.
But, I understand that empathy is a sin now.
What else should I even expect of people in a world like this?
First off, if you've never heard of safety tools in TTRPGs, there is a really lovely FREE resource here: https://www.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/288535/consent-in-gaming. The booklet is short, but really valuable and it comes with a free consent form that's PDF formfillable.
I know that a lot of people take issue with the idea that consent and saftey have become "codified" in RPGs. I'm here to tell you that if you actually read the free resource I direct you to, you will see that 1) they are not, and 2) they were never intended to be. Safety is a thing that needs to be flexible, individual, and organic--as well as generally part of the culture of a table--to function as intended. If your GM has built in good communication and trust from the start, it's absoluely NOT REQUIRED that every table use them. But, like if you do need them, it's important to actually UNDERSTAND the point of how and why and what best practices look like. An open table is great, but --
There also needs to be space for anonimity.
One of my groups is currently sharing a consent form on an Excel spreedsheet. Seems like a decent solution, in some ways, so that everyone's answer can be kept all together, right? Well, I mean, yes, if it's all just performative and provided there isn't anything truly sensitive that someone might not actually want the entire group to know.
Like, I think most of my friend group knows WHY I do not want storylines that involve stillbirth or endangered pregnancies, but I also sometimes am not feeling up to reliving my loss to explain to people who don't. When you have a private form, there is usually space for the reply to include specific information about what exactly triggers you and what doesn't in a way that doesn't have to involve the entire table being involved, if you don't want that. Like, sometimes I will still cry when I talk about Ella? And, maybe I'm at a new table where I'd rather not have someone's first impression of me be as a bawling mess...
But even on a shared form, if I wanted to actually give the GM more detail, it would have to be written as "Lyda would like to not have this paricular scenario for these reasons." Or, I just have to take a risk that the GM understands my specific triggers, which, honestly, still sometimes includes someone saying "stat!" in an emergency medical situation EVEN OUT OF THE CONTEXT OF A PREGNANCY.
Because that's how Shawn and I first learned that Ella was dead.
But, there's no space to have a private conversation where I could spell out some of my specific needs on a form shared with everyone.
Also, a lot of consent forms are designed (including the one that is currently being shared) to include things that you would enthusiastically consent to. I went ahead and checked the things I actually enjoy seeing played out in fiction, but... like, these are ALSO the sorts of things I would like to be able to explain privately. Because just writing "Slavery, Yay!" or "Racism, Yay!" kind of actually feels gross out of context, when what I mean is "in the context of ancient Rome and fantasy settings therein" or "like between elves and orcs."
But, let's be honest.
I'm not at all surprised to discover a deep misunderstanding how to actually USE safety tools from this particular individual.
We've played this game for seven years and this is our first introduction to Lines and Veils/Consent at all. Moreover, I fully expect this particular GM to use this consent form as a weapon, as in "You didn't mark it! You are not allowed to feel differently in a different context or at a later date!!"
He has already rules-lawyered my use of an X-Card to express a need to back away from something. He insisted to me both in public (in an email) and in a private message that I misused X-Card and Lines and Veils is the MORE CORRECT term. Thanks for taking the time to scold my use of language when what I am expressing is "ouch," but whatever. That already made it perfectly clear to me that if I don't use the right term my feelings are not valid and will not be addressed.
But, I understand that empathy is a sin now.
What else should I even expect of people in a world like this?
no subject
Date: 2025-01-26 03:53 am (UTC)I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-26 02:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-01-26 02:19 pm (UTC)