Social Skills and the Pandemic
Feb. 24th, 2021 12:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lydamorehouseI have a question for all of you: people talk a lot about feeling like they're losing social skills during the pandemic, do you feel that's true for you? If so, what social skills, in particular, are you noticing yourself (or worrying about) failing?
It seems pretty typical (at least if you go by internet meme) that a lot of us are feeling like we don't have much to talk about. But, beyond that what are you feeling awkward about?
My wife, when I asked her this, said that she is feeling like sometimes she goes straight to TMI with colleagues at work that she's not ACTUALLY that close to. Her example was that someone might ask her, "How are you?" Which, as we know as Westerners, you're not REALLY supposed to answer, but instead do the call and response answer, "I'm fine, how are you?" Shawn has been finding herself skipping the traditional "pleasantries" and going straight to, "I dunno, I've eaten cereal for the last three meals and randomly burst into tears over cat videos, you?" Personally, if we stop with the pretend greeting post-pandemic, I won't mind. I prefer a little emotional honesty in my random greetings with strangers, but I've always been weird like that. I have, in the Before Times, been known to answer "How are you?" with "Not great, honestly, my cat just died," which then actually led this stranger--my barista--into helping us get Willow, so it's NOT ALWAYS A DISASTER to be honest.
Shawn also said that she's getting mad at some of the Zoom etiquette. She misses the spontaneity of in-person meetings. (Yeah, take a moment and digest that. MY WIFE MISSES her corporate MEETINGS. Things are BAD, people. Things are REALLY bad!!) But, in specific, she hates the whole 'raise hand' function, while totally understanding its necessity. She really misses being able to go "oh!" when you have an idea or thought and have people notice and ask if you want to share. As it happens, in so many of these meetings, she'll have an idea, miss her opportunity to raise her hand, write it into chat, where it will get missed in the barrage of other chat messages.
I feel this, because I think I'm the OTHER person in social and semi-social meetings. I accidentally interrupted my Japanese class last night because the instructor noticed me making googly eyes at one of my classmate's cat. I mean, it was a CAT. Plus, the cat was on his shoulder and I LOVE shoulder cats, but that was awkward, and I suppose that would be a sign of my social skills slipping EXCEPT I am always that person who suddenly interjects with DOGGO! or, literally, SQUIRREL!
When I asked my son this same question, his answer was that he feels he's been giving in to the impulse to dominate a Zoom call if everyone else is staring at the screen like a zombie. Again, this is totally a problem I have had since the Before Times. He agreed that he has had that, too? But, for him, it's noticing that he's doing it, but awkwardly doing it anyway because he can no longer stand the stretches of awkward silences. (Which, to be fair to him, is more problematic. It's important to make space in conversations for silences.)
I guess the point of all this is that I'm starting to think that when the pandemic is over, there are going to be a lot of people with MY social skills. Like all the things that used to make me weird (talking to myself, over sharing, interrupting, and generally wanting to be noticed in a conversation) are all going to be the norm.
Thoughts?
It seems pretty typical (at least if you go by internet meme) that a lot of us are feeling like we don't have much to talk about. But, beyond that what are you feeling awkward about?
My wife, when I asked her this, said that she is feeling like sometimes she goes straight to TMI with colleagues at work that she's not ACTUALLY that close to. Her example was that someone might ask her, "How are you?" Which, as we know as Westerners, you're not REALLY supposed to answer, but instead do the call and response answer, "I'm fine, how are you?" Shawn has been finding herself skipping the traditional "pleasantries" and going straight to, "I dunno, I've eaten cereal for the last three meals and randomly burst into tears over cat videos, you?" Personally, if we stop with the pretend greeting post-pandemic, I won't mind. I prefer a little emotional honesty in my random greetings with strangers, but I've always been weird like that. I have, in the Before Times, been known to answer "How are you?" with "Not great, honestly, my cat just died," which then actually led this stranger--my barista--into helping us get Willow, so it's NOT ALWAYS A DISASTER to be honest.
Shawn also said that she's getting mad at some of the Zoom etiquette. She misses the spontaneity of in-person meetings. (Yeah, take a moment and digest that. MY WIFE MISSES her corporate MEETINGS. Things are BAD, people. Things are REALLY bad!!) But, in specific, she hates the whole 'raise hand' function, while totally understanding its necessity. She really misses being able to go "oh!" when you have an idea or thought and have people notice and ask if you want to share. As it happens, in so many of these meetings, she'll have an idea, miss her opportunity to raise her hand, write it into chat, where it will get missed in the barrage of other chat messages.
I feel this, because I think I'm the OTHER person in social and semi-social meetings. I accidentally interrupted my Japanese class last night because the instructor noticed me making googly eyes at one of my classmate's cat. I mean, it was a CAT. Plus, the cat was on his shoulder and I LOVE shoulder cats, but that was awkward, and I suppose that would be a sign of my social skills slipping EXCEPT I am always that person who suddenly interjects with DOGGO! or, literally, SQUIRREL!
When I asked my son this same question, his answer was that he feels he's been giving in to the impulse to dominate a Zoom call if everyone else is staring at the screen like a zombie. Again, this is totally a problem I have had since the Before Times. He agreed that he has had that, too? But, for him, it's noticing that he's doing it, but awkwardly doing it anyway because he can no longer stand the stretches of awkward silences. (Which, to be fair to him, is more problematic. It's important to make space in conversations for silences.)
I guess the point of all this is that I'm starting to think that when the pandemic is over, there are going to be a lot of people with MY social skills. Like all the things that used to make me weird (talking to myself, over sharing, interrupting, and generally wanting to be noticed in a conversation) are all going to be the norm.
Thoughts?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 12:24 am (UTC)I would be FINE if there were more people like you once we are able to talk to people face to face again.
P.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 06:59 pm (UTC)It's funny that you bring up Discord etiquette. I have just spent a good portion of this morning wondering if I "talked too much" on my new Japanese class Discord server. So, I feel you there.
And, I also feel like I am this weird combination of extrovert and nerd which means my social skills are all over the place at the best of times? It will be interesting to see how it all shakes out when we actually have in-person gatherings. I will say, I have forgotten that people say "hello" when passing each other on the street. I've been consciously trying to that instead of CRINGING when I see people out on my walks.