First Date-versary -- 35 years-ish
Dec. 2nd, 2020 12:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lydamorehouse Yesterday was the day that Shawn and I have retro-fitted to be our (first date) anniversary. At some point in December of 1985, I asked this amazing woman out to Target to go Christmas shopping with me. I probably didn't know I was a lesbian yet, but I knew there was something about this lady. After all, I moved in to her dorm room pretty much the next day.
Fulfilling the U-Haul stereotype without even realizing it.
I posted this date-versaary on Facebook and heard from some college friends who were like, freshman year???? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? And, I had to add in the comments the caveat that I always do. Yes, we count back that far. Yes, we also dated other people in that time period.
The thing that is embarrassing for both of us to admit is that we were "friends with benefits" from the start, but Shawn wasn't ready to consider that real and I wasn't ready to consider that real--so she dated some boys and I dated some girls, but the thing is? I moved in in 1985, and I never moved out.... I am still living with her. So, maybe we should get to count that? As some point in our relationship, we tried to figure out when exactly we should make our anniversary (never figuring we'd GET a wedding anniversary,) and so we decided that we, in fact, did need to consider that messy period because we were actually together that whole time, not just "roommates."
Even though, in this case, it was a lie we ourselves perpetrated.
If I could go back? I would have been more honest with my girlfriends. They never had a chance with me. I was cheating on them the whole time... I was just dumb about it because I didn't think Shawn would ever be able to commit to me. Doesn't make it right, however, you know? To be fair, the smart ones figured it out. They were smarter than I was, frankly. It took both Shawn and I a stupid long time (and a lot of broken hearts) to realize that maybe the reason we couldn't make it happen with other people is because we were already deeply emotionally and physically committed to each other.
This is why, when people say things about how they wish they were 20 again, I think: TWENTY? No way! I had no idea who I even was at 20!
But this is the long way of saying, Shawn and I celebrated THIRTY-FIVE years together yesterday!
We had take out from Magic Noodle. Yum!
Anyway, I do think this is a thing that is possibly a little more unique to queer couples. Straight people don't seem to not have to figure out that they are sleeping together. I think partly because straight sex is something people understand the component parts of? Mostly? Though I have heard people saying they haven't had sex yet, despite engaging in acts that I would definitely consider sexual, just because tab A was not inserted into slot B. If someone got off, you probably had sex? I mean, I guess the problem is that's also not always true with tab A and slot B for straight people?
I guess the thing is: sexuality is complicated.
Probably not the conversation you expected to have here though, eh? :-) I promise to return to food now.
Fulfilling the U-Haul stereotype without even realizing it.
I posted this date-versaary on Facebook and heard from some college friends who were like, freshman year???? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? And, I had to add in the comments the caveat that I always do. Yes, we count back that far. Yes, we also dated other people in that time period.
The thing that is embarrassing for both of us to admit is that we were "friends with benefits" from the start, but Shawn wasn't ready to consider that real and I wasn't ready to consider that real--so she dated some boys and I dated some girls, but the thing is? I moved in in 1985, and I never moved out.... I am still living with her. So, maybe we should get to count that? As some point in our relationship, we tried to figure out when exactly we should make our anniversary (never figuring we'd GET a wedding anniversary,) and so we decided that we, in fact, did need to consider that messy period because we were actually together that whole time, not just "roommates."
Even though, in this case, it was a lie we ourselves perpetrated.
If I could go back? I would have been more honest with my girlfriends. They never had a chance with me. I was cheating on them the whole time... I was just dumb about it because I didn't think Shawn would ever be able to commit to me. Doesn't make it right, however, you know? To be fair, the smart ones figured it out. They were smarter than I was, frankly. It took both Shawn and I a stupid long time (and a lot of broken hearts) to realize that maybe the reason we couldn't make it happen with other people is because we were already deeply emotionally and physically committed to each other.
This is why, when people say things about how they wish they were 20 again, I think: TWENTY? No way! I had no idea who I even was at 20!
But this is the long way of saying, Shawn and I celebrated THIRTY-FIVE years together yesterday!
We had take out from Magic Noodle. Yum!
Anyway, I do think this is a thing that is possibly a little more unique to queer couples. Straight people don't seem to not have to figure out that they are sleeping together. I think partly because straight sex is something people understand the component parts of? Mostly? Though I have heard people saying they haven't had sex yet, despite engaging in acts that I would definitely consider sexual, just because tab A was not inserted into slot B. If someone got off, you probably had sex? I mean, I guess the problem is that's also not always true with tab A and slot B for straight people?
I guess the thing is: sexuality is complicated.
Probably not the conversation you expected to have here though, eh? :-) I promise to return to food now.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-03 03:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-03 06:00 pm (UTC)