Continuing Adventures of "John Learner" and Godzilla

Two things.

First, Mason and I watched "GODZILLA: King of Monsters" on Sunday night. It was Mason's first ever black-and-white show, and he was very weirded out by the lack of color. "Is it going to be like this through the whole thing?" he wanted to know after the credits. "Can we get this in color?" I, being a parent, felt compelled to regale him with "back in my day" stories of how I actually grew up with a black-and-white TV, which we kept well into the 1980s, which I watched while walking to school, up hill (both ways!), with wolves chasing me AND we had ONLY THREE CHANNELS... and we liked it!

But, what struck me about GODZILLA is how much untranslated Japanese is in that film. There are, in fact, several scenes in Japanese WITHOUT SUBTITLES. Then, of course, are the badly dubbed bits you all remember... where the heroine is clearly speaking Japanese and, instead, this ridiculously 1950s housewife's voice comes out of her mouth. Very strange.

What I'd also forgotten (never known?) was how awesome the story gets when we leave behind the stupid American, Steve Martin, and follow the story of the mad scientist, his fiancee, and her lover. Oh the angst! The mad scientist even gets an eyepatch (which goes very nicely with his white lab coat)!! The lover is a naval officer, but clearly of lower class origins. The fiancee is torn between duty and passion!! She should stay with the man that suits her class and station, or go against convention and marry the other, though low born, who is heroic and handsome!? Luckily, the scientist twigs to their secret affair after he tries to brain the lover who has come to ask for the secret formula in the name of the government, in order to destroy Godzilla. They get in a fight because the scientist hates that his invention is so horrible and destructive, in fact, he swore his fiancee to secrecy... but Godzilla's stomping of Toyko and the prayers of the children melt his hard heart! So he teams up with the lover, and makes a daring and cunning plan to go to the bottom of the ocean where Godzilla is sleeping and release his oxygen eating bomb! But Godzilla awakes. Someone must stay behind and release the bomb at just the right moment. Knowing that in Japan there is no other way out for the fiancee, the mad scientist sacrifices himself at the bottom of the ocean, and radios up to the lover, "You have my blessing. Be happy together."

Tears in my eyes!! Wow, the drama!

For a 1950s film in Japan, I have to say it had a lot of what I love about Anime in it. Cool monsters! Awesome superpowers -- Godzilla's freeze/exposive breath. Eye patchs! A wildly angsty story involving a love triangle, complete with rivals who have to work together in order to save the universe.

Though, I did have a moment where I yelled out "SEE! This is why we need better language tapes!" Early in the movie, when we're still following the stupid American, he's at customs. A friend helps him through, and I even understood a bit of the conversation in Japanese because it was almost verbatum from the language tape, except what happens?? I'll tell you what! "Could you step out of line for a moment, sir?"

I was all, "Vindicated!" And, then when Gozilla rose out of Toyko harbor I'm thinking, "if only I had the Japanese to express my horror at this moment!" If I could only say in Japanese, "What is that rising from Tokyo harbor?"

Red Pineapple of Death

I haz teh fans so badly that I am at the moment working on a "Red Pineapple" tee-shirt for myself to wear under my kuk sool uniform. It's going to have to be a negative of the "original" since we have to wear black tee-shirts, but be warned: when I am doing forms, be scared. I'm imagining myself as Renji Abarai, the Red Pinneapple of DOOM!



Also, as I was searching through the vast wasteland of the Internets for a picture of Renji in this particular shirt, I came across his Wikipedia entry. Now, I feel the need to defend him. You KNOW, he may have lost to Byakuya Kuchiki, but that's only because Byakuya is a big, fat cheater. I want any Renji detractor to go back and watch the episode/read the Manga of that fight. Here's how it goes in a nut shell.

Byakuya: "Renji, where are you going?"

Renji (paraphrasing): I'm savin' Rukia and you can't stop me.

Byakuya: "You may not." (Note snottiness already present.)

Renji: "I will!"

Fight ensues. Byakuya tries out his tired old flash-step trick and Renji (who still can't entirely see it), still manages to deflect it because Byakuya is so f**king habitual, he does the same move every time. Thwarted, Byakuya goes shikai. He's all "Scatter, a Thousand..." --oops, Renji's sword crashes into Senbonzakura and knocks the shikai out. Byakuya gets his WTF look (slightly more opened eyes) because Renji didn't have to call Zabimaru's name, and tries to ask Renji if this means he's achieved bankai, and Renji says (basically) "Check it out. My bankai is going to drive you to your knees." Byakuya is all snotty about it, tries scattering the thousand cherry blossoms again, but Renji is totally unscathed. Zabimaru achieves its stated goal. Byakuya has to pick himself up off one knee.

Things are looking good for Renji, right?

In a fair fight, yes. What is Byakuya next move? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Right, magic. Not, let's go man-to-man, sword-to-sword. No! Byakuya uses binding spell number 33, which Renji manages to mostly deflect but this leaves him open to... ANOTHER MAGICAL ATTACK, binding spell 61, which completely immoblizes him.



See this?

Are you following how dishonorable this is??

Renji can no longer fight. He's been spelled at a really high level. He is peirced with "six-rod light restraint."

It's also a fairly well established in the story at this point that Renji has some magic, but it's not his main skill set.

So, as his captain, Byakuya knows this. It's like you and your opponant both have swords (you're equal there), but you also have a giant laser gun, while your enemy has a pea-shooter. Fair to use the laser gun?

I think not!

Because, now that Renji is utterly helpless, Byakuya decides it's a good time to pick up his sword again. His opponent can't move a muscle. Can't lift his sword in defense, and Byakuya isn't satisfied with a swipe or two, no, he goes ninja on Renji's a$$, and rains a million sword-pettles down on him (his bankai).

THEN, when Renji is laying on the ground, completely torn to ribbons, Byakuya has the nerve to give Renji a lesson in "class." He says the difference is that Byakuya is much more noble and pure and awesome than Renji could ever even hope to imagine being. In his amazingly rude lecture, he tells Renji that there was never any way to win this fight because Byakuya is just that much better, he's too high up for Renji to even consider going after.

Seriously?

How would he know? He never let Renji fight! He tied him up and hit him with a cannon.

What makes Renji even more awesome here is that, he doesn't just lay there. He just got completely plowed (unfairly), but he gets up and goes again, even though his bankai is shattered and has returned to its sealed form unconsciously. Picture a regular katana now. When he gets to his feet, Baykuya nails him (almost literally) with more magical swords.



Is Renji done? No, he pulls them out of his body, one by one, and goes after Byakuya *again*. Only then, after actually scratching Byakuya's cheek, is he finally down for the count.

I think, without magic, Byakuya would have been pulverized.

And, I think Byakuya knew it the second Zabimaru drove him to his knees. What annoys me, is that Byakuya gives far more respect to Ichigo in their fight, moments later. He doesn't resort to magical restraints until much deeper in.

So, okay, Renji gets his butt handed to him a lot. But, at least one time, it wasn't a fair fight.