Too Much Sin To Be Saved

[lydamorehouse]

The Jehovah Witnesses came knocking Monday night. I was cleaning the house getting ready for my SASE group, and so I was a bit surprised to find a smiling, young African American woman that I didn’t know standing in my porch. She said she was a volunteer, and since it’s nearly election time, I totally expected to be subjected to some “can we count on your support” speech. However, she simply thrust some literature at me and scurried out the door.

When I looked down at the “Worldwide Message: The End of False Religion is Near” superimposed over gathering storm clouds and lightening, I was disappointed she never even spoke more than a few words to me. Aren’t they supposed to try to save me?

Do you think she could tell I was a lesbian just by looking at me?

I only ask, because apparently one of the signs of false religions is that they “tolerate immoral”—(read: gay/lesbian)—“sex,” which I clearly engage in, (though not nearly as often as I’d like.) But, I mean, aren’t they supposed to still give it a go? What if I was ready to receive God and turn aside my evil ways at that very moment?

Well, this volunteer let you down, God.

Well, feeling so affronted, I decided to at least read the literature (which perhaps may be enough to save me, see earlier discussion of instant-grace,) and two things struck me. One: whoever does their graphics totally rocks. There is an AWESOME drawing of the whore of Babylon riding the ten-headed beast of the apocalypse…and I have to say, “Wow.” It’s like something out of a graphic novel. The beast is a leopard/lion/tiger thing and it looks so cool. I may have to try to find this image elsewhere or scan it for y’all.

Second, I like the fact that Jehovah Witnesses seem to be against Bush.

Here’s why I think that. From their tract, “False Religion… Meddles in War and Politics. A prominent religious leader in the United States declared, ‘You’ve got to kill the terrorists before the killing stops.’ His solution? ‘Blow them all away in the name of the Lord.’ By contrast, the Bible says: ‘If anyone makes the statement: “I love God,” and yet is hating his brother, he is a liar.’”

Sounds like Bush, doesn’t it?

See, volunteer-lady, you could have had me at “hello.”

Comments

[seanmmurphy.livejournal.com]

This prophecy is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual prophecy or other Biblical passages is strictly intentional and entirely satirical in nature. Comments should be directed to 'shunya@brickwall.com'.