Day in the Life of an Idiot

 I honestly do not know where the time goes.  

Well, yesterday I worked at the library.  I discovered some time ago that the Dementors, who had been banished from Shoreview (due to the sunlight and remodel,) have shifted to New Brighton. I ended up working New Brighton for two Tuesdays in a row and I'm thinking that I need to put New Brighton on my 'only if there are no other hours available' list. The Dementors at New Brighton are much more mild than they used to be at the old Shoreview--no one, for instance, has called administration to harass me for enjoying my job too much (yes, this actually happened at Shoreview in the past.)  BUT, it's kind of a death by a thousand cuts thing, you know?  I've talked about this before, but I think in addition to the silent "you just did the thing, but I'll redo it in front of you" there's also the general SLOWNESS of New Brighton. I probably wouldn't notice the first bit, if I were generally busier.  But, it's just not. The library is tiny and on days like yesterday, when it rained for much of the morning and afternoon, it's DEAD.  

People have time to get on each other's nerves when there isn't much else to do.

So, there's that. But, I mean almost any work environment is survivable for short, four hour shifts.  Add to that that money is a strong motivating force in my life and it's, ultimately, not much to complain about, really.

Yet I love to complain, so there's that as well.

Anyway, since it's Wednesday, I should probably at least mention some things I've read. I just finished reading a wonderful manga series called SATURN APARTMENTS.  It's science fiction, and, despite the title, it actually takes place on a ringed "apartment complex" in the Earth's stratosphere.  Our heroes are window washers.  I kind of feel like that should be enough to sell you on this manga, because WINDOW WASHERS IN SPAAAAAAAACE!  But, what else can I say about it?  It's charming. The hero is very plucky and outgoing and relentlessly cheerful and optimistic. There is a secret about Earth's surface, and class warfare. 

This is not the kind of manga that inspires fan fic. There aren't a lot of ships to sail and the art style is very atypical.  If you're normally turned off by the big eyes, etc., SATURN APARTMENTS might be a good first foray into the world of manga.  Outside of the fact that it reads "backwards," the story is much more like a typical Western graphic novel. 

I still haven't been able to consume many traditional novels. I have one, the Taiwanese mystery that I mentioned before, on my bedside table, but I keep finding other things to do with my time. I continue blame Trump for this problem.  I get awfully depressed when I think about what's happening in my country, and then all my brain wants to do is curl up on the bed and play mindless video games (like not even GOOD video games, stuff that's the mental equivalent of 'Solitaire.') 

The rain was lovely last night and I hope my grass seeds and flower seeds take root and grow.  I have a couple more gardens to try to clear out and figure out, but, as always happens this time of year, it all ends up seeming so daunting.... I mean, my problem has always been this love/hate relationship I have with gardens. I LOVE gardens and the idea of gardening, but I HATE weeding and the actual physical labor that goes into creating and maintaining a good garden.

Speaking of physical labor, I ought to go do the dishes.

Last night, at a kuk sool wan event, I had, what is for me, a very typical meeting with "fans." I put fan in quotes because my experience tends to be lacking the sort of distance required for this "authorial construct" thing (which I'm really struggling to understand/comprehend.)

What tends to happen for me instead is that I meet really cool people that I instantly identify as *my* tribe -- my people, geeks-like-me. I start bonding with them. We laugh. We joke around, and then, at some point, I attempt to be cool and let slip that I'm an author. Turns out, they already know. (Reminded me, in fact, of coming out to my high school English teacher. Very anticlimatic.)

At the end (and, frankly, from the start) what I have is a friend.

This has happened to me several times now -- where I go to a party or an event and I find out that someone who I've been desperately trying to impress is actually already a fan of mine. I suppose at the moment of the big reveal ("Uh, Lyda, I've actually read all your books. I'm a big fan"), I'm supposed to be creeped out or something. Are you kidding me? I'm honored!

I guess what people are talking about with this authorial construct thing is different, but I don't really get it. I've never known how to construct one, not even for my psuedonym. I suspect this may be why I'm not nearly as successful as some other authors. I have a hard time being clever for cleverness's sake on Twitter, for instance. So if you find me on FB or Twitter, I'm likely saying something fairly stupid/mundane about what I had for dinner or commenting on the weather. No scintliating quips, alas. I can't even report on cool events I'm attending, unless I actually want to pretend I'm at the Oscars or something utterly fake.

Sure, I've dressed up as Tate for fun at signings (though very rarely -- it's hard to walk around in those heels and make-up is such a pain). And I like to imagine Tate as this other person that I'm jealous of or with whom I might have an argument at a con. I do keep seperate web sites, etc. I'm not sure Penguin actually suggested that to me, but it seemed like a good idea, if for no other reason than that it seemed to me that readers of Tate are likely much less interested in what Lyda is up to... though, now that I actually say that I don't know that for sure.

But, the point is, I don't put a lot of effort into thinking about who Tate should be, not really. She has a slightly different bio (I pulled out my astrology and vampire parts of my life to highlight) and bibliography, of course, but that's kind of the extent of it.

Okay. I did pick a picture of me when I was sixteen. I did that, however, out of pure vanity. I looked hot back then. I looked straight. I thought those things might appeal to Tate readers. It's a bit of a lie, but who wouldn't want to be sixteen again... at least physically? Straight... well, I talk about Mason and Shawn on my Tate blog, so even though I don't say in my bio as Tate that I'm a lesbian, I don't deny it either. I suppose that bit is fake and a construct. I've noticed romance authors tend to have glamor shots, but no one in the powers that be told me I needed to do that.

I guess that's why I don't get this conversation. Anything I made up about Tate, I did myself. When I meet people in the Real World (tm), I am myself.

And, you know, when I meet people who have read my books at conventions or signings or other more formal author/fan settings, I still have no desire to run away. Maybe I'm just not Minnesotan enough or too self-absorbed or something, but I'm not embarrassed when someone pays me the ultimate compliment of saying that they like what I wrote. I like it too! We have something in common.

-----

Later additions: Scalzi is talking about this over at Whatever: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2011/01/30/being-fictional/

And I responded there with this:

"
I’ve read a bunch thoughts on Bear and I have to say I still don’t *get this. I have never run into anyone who has had an imaginary construct of me in their heads. Of course, I say this realizing that most of the readers of your blog who have gotten this far down in the comments very likely has no idea that I am a writer of science fiction and romance with literally a dozen books to my name. And even a few awards.

In fact, normally, when I tell people I write for a living the conversation goes like this.

Me: Hey, did you know I’m a writer? Full-time.
Them: What, for a newspaper?
Me: No, I write fiction — novels.
Them: Seriously? Would I have heard of you?
Me: Apparently not.

Then we go on to have a discussion where this person is convinced since they haven’t heard of me, I must mean I write for small presses. I explain, no, my publisher is Penguin USA (Berkley, NAL, etc.), and you can buy my books on Amazon.com. or anywhere fine paperbacks are sold in most countries that speak English and even in some that don’t. Then they usually decide I must be insane, and don’t believe I’m actually published until I produce a book with my name on it….

So, I don’t really get this problem a lot."

------

Okay, enough of this navel gazing.

I had a really great time at my kuk sool wan cooking class last night. I met some really cool people... although I totally embarrassed myself by introducing myself to this guy, Andrew, for, like the fifteenth time. I can NEVER remember his name, and he always looks so familiar to me (probably because I've introduced myself to him six times before!) I didn't learn much new about cooking, but Mason really loved getting to chop up veggies (and I totally loved snooping out where my instructors live.) Some of the folks there tried to convincing me, once again, that the adult classes are not scary. I don't believe them for a second! Plus, and I should have mentioned this last night, they're way past my bedtime. I think the adult classes start at 9:00 pm or something insane like that. I'm usually sound asleep by 9:00 pm.

I got to see some ancient Roman(?) coins, and I showed off the forgein coins I always keep in my pocket. All and all a ton of fun.

It's Thursday, which is my busy day. I just finished the dishes, and pretty soon I'll have to tackle the fish tanks. Then, it will be off to Mason's school to volunteer. After that, if I have any energy, I hope to go work out, as I've had to miss kuk sool wan one night this week. Ah, the glamourous life of a writer, eh?

Speaking of writing work, I finished going through the page proofs for RESURRECTION CODE over the weekend, and I should probably look through ALMOST FINAL CURTAIN before the deadline. Sometimes I have a really hard time looking at my own writing, especially after it's all typeset for printing. There's something so permanent that makes it sort of scary, you know? There's really not a lot you can do at the page proof stage either. There are plenty of opportunities for major change prior to that, but by the time you see page proofs, the publisher really only wants to you to scan for typos.

So, I've been dragging my heels a bit on the last one. RESURRECTION CODE was more fun, actually. There are some scenes in that book that I'm actually quite proud of and are fun to re-read. Even though enjoying my own work also makes me feel weird, but in a completely different way.

I had a great night last night watching TV. I know. I should have been writing (I realized the other day that I only have a couple more months to finish ALMOST EVERYTHING, the 3rd Ana book's current title.) But PBS was showing a NOVA episode about going to Mars. Watching that got me all excited for space, you know? I felt ready to write science fiction. Plasma engines! Deep space travel! Solar sails! Freeze-dried food!

But I'm tired today. I probably won't go to Mars, especially since I spent most of last night trying to get there in my dreams. I tired, too, because my sleep is still interrupted most nights by one of two things: my cats Inky, our talker, likes to wake me up around 5 am to feed him. I have accidentally trained him to do this, because I can't figure out how else to shut him up, and he will literally stand by the bed and cry LOUDLY until I get up.

Or, my son. Mason, like a lot of kids his age, has the ocassional nightmare, and he'll call out for snuggles. But, he will also call out when he kicks the blankets off and gets cold. Sometimes, I think he even calls for me when he's dreaming. But, it wakes me up, and I go.

I was up three times last night. Now I just want to go face down and forget everything I'm supposed to do.