Day in the Life of an Idiot

 
Image: a cardboard box that has seen better days... unfortunately, it is "brand new" and on the inside is thousands of dollars worth of a new laptop.

I have a reputation among laptops. All because of THAT ONE TIME I dropped a frozen turkey on a laptop (it's a long, sad story.) And, okay, maybe dumped coffee onto a keyboard or two... and that one I dropped on its hard drive, while it was running.... BUT FINE, the point is, there is no reason to suicide on your way to my house, laptop! You were going to be the special one! I was going to treat you right!! 

In all seriousness, the FedEx drive could not have acted more suspiciously. First of all, we were told we would be asked to sign for the package. I have been carrying a mask around the house so that I could be ready, at a moment's notice, to hop up.  When the driver showed up, he wasn't wearing a mask and  so I was hesitant to step outside. He never asked for a signature, dumped the thing on our stoop, and then was like, "Yeah, I just needed to know you were home..." all but ran away from the scene of the CRIME.

I am currently on hold at B&H photo. Technically, they're supposed to call me back once I'm through the queue, but my wait time was supposed to be an hour... over an hour ago.  

The problem, of course, is that I can't return the computer if I open the package any further. I don't KNOW if the computer has been damaged, but I would like to report this to B&H, so that they will allow me to return it. We took a ton of pictures of the package, but... you know, I would just like to talk to someone so that they can also make their complaint to FedEx, if need be.

The kicker? PASSOVER IS COMING.

B&H will be completely closed the entire TWO weeks for Passover starting tomorrow so I need answers FAST. (In a hilarious story, we didn't realize how Orthodox B&H was until we tried to place our order for this computer on a Friday night after sundown in NYC. We got a lovely little pop-up dialogue box that explained that our information had been saved, but they were now closed for the Sabbath. Which, I found deeply charming and so very New York, you know?)  Anyway, we will get no progress for two weeks, if we can't get through to someone before tomorrow.

I am so bummed.

AND THIS TIME IT'S NOT MY FAULT, I SWEAR!!

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UPDATE: They were only 10 minutes over their estimated wait time, I am just a complainer. Lyle (LeRoy?) at B&H was fantastic, we are best friends forever, and he's going to fix this. I have sent photos of the box damage to the shipping people and they will tell me what to do next and did I mention that I love B&H forever and they will always get my business.