Chaos Queen
Jun. 1st, 2023 11:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lydamorehouseIt was not until last night's D&D session did it fully occur to me that I played Idyril as Lawful Good, in his own rage-fueled way, because HOLY CRAP is Ave a chaos queen with a very loose sense of morality.
So, below the cut will be yet another rambling, stream-of-consciousness, run-on sentence filled letter to from Ave to Idryl. I will say, as a player, this was the most fun I've had with this group so far.
June 1
Some Bar, City of Stevenrik, Ceyan Empire
Dearest Idyril, (and Sierra!),
I think my team thinks I’m stupid. I mean, okay, I have a tendency to just say the things I’m thinking when I think them, but Anges (who I am desperately trying to impress to NO AVAIL) said something that implied that she thought that I was so dumb that I actually didn’t understand that you’re not supposed to wander around murdering people. Like, okay, I kind of didn’t? But to be fair to me, the thing that’s really news to me is that other people’s mothers don’t regularly poison and/or otherwise dispose of “obstacles” to their political power, like, casually, as an afterthought at breakfast, and that maybe, if you’re not under the influence of an evil magical weapon (or maybe even if you are,) THIS MIGHT BE CONSIDERED A CRIME.
Anyway, we all ended up having a huge discussion about crime, murder, and the law because we got hired by the biggest doofus ever to walk the earth (Hana agrees with me, by the way.)
So, you remember my little one-night-lay, Neville? It turns out he has this whole cadre of heirs and spares as friends, all of whom are like he is, in jobs they were born to have, like, literally, but that none of them want. VERY Relatable as you can well imagine.
Well so, one of these friends was this guy Simon, whose sob story is that his dad is an exacting taskmaster with Big Expectations for his children, just like Someone We Both Know Well. Simon inherited a magical shop, The Bright Mance, from his dad. Dad is some kind of magician or wizard savant. Dad built the business and the shop’s reputation only to then immediately dump it in his kid’s lap when the regional university, Cavri Uni, opened up a professorship and called him to it. So, Simon is left running a shop that he’s sort of interested in taking care of, sort of not?
And then people start taking advantage of him.
Simon’s got these really precious candies. Sounds stupid, right? Candy? Precious? HOW? Well, they’re called “spelly jellies,” which means that they are like jellybeans, only when you eat one, you immediately gain the power to cast a certain spell based on the flavor: mint (healing word), strawberry (goodberry), popcorn (guiding bolt), black licorice (inflict wounds,) pineapple (acid arrow), cinnamon (shield), and chili (scorching ray.) You suddenly can see why these are valuable, right? Like, each one is akin to having a one-use spell scroll because anyone can use them, regardless of magical ability. And, these bags have like a dozen or so of a random assortment in each, so each bag is probably worth anywhere from a 100 to 200 gold pieces.
AND HE JUST HAS THEM SITTING ON THE COUNTER.
When we ask what the deal is with that, Simon is all, “Oh, it’s alarmed. Try it.” So, I do, and sure enough an alarm goes off, a Very Loud and Scary Noise. I’m standing there waiting for more? It’s a magic shop, so the doors are going to Thurmatergy slam shut for sure, right? Surely, there will be more than A Very Big Noise.
But, nothing happens. So I ask, “No magical traps?” And, he’s all boggled by this idea like it NEVER OCCURRED TO HIM TO MAYBE TRAP THE THIEVES. At this point, Hana and I are talking to each other in Elvish because we are NOT convinced this guy is worth working for, on account of being so stupid. In fact, I decided to demonstrate just how easy it is to baffle his “alarm” and so I do it again. I grabbed a bag from its case, let the alarms blare, and run out the door. No one stops me. Outside, I put the jellies in my backpack, because WHY WOULDN’T I, THIS YAHOO WILL NEVER NOTICE, and then come back inside.
Anyway, Simon has to go deal with a customer at some point, so the whole party and I fall into a discussion about whether or not we want to help him. His biggest issue is that Daddy Dearest is That Guy and wants his inventory sent to him Right Now so he can make a killing selling these murder jellies to college kids (what could go wrong?) and he wants all fifty that he’d left behind. I am baffled why Simon wouldn’t just cut his losses, tell Daddio that he’s an amazing salesperson, and so all that’s left is these 40 out of 50. I told Simon I could totally forge receipts of sale, so PROBLEM SOLVED. If Simon didn’t want to go that route, (which why wouldn’t you, it makes you look good with Daddy,) we could also just go into town, buy a bunch of matching bags, some regular jelly beans, and just make up the missing ten bags by redistributing the existing beans. PROBLEM SOLVED. Given that the ability to use the spell fades after a certain time limit, it’s not like “duds” couldn’t be explained away. Honestly? Dad is planning on selling these to drunken frat boys who are probably going to acid arrow each other in the ass for funsies, and so maybe a few duds WOULDN’T BE SUCH A BAD IDEA.
Anyway, no one listens to me, and so we set up a stakeout, instead.
I guess Simon was worried that if we didn’t take care of the thieves they would just keep rolling him, and I guess that’s legit. But, my thought was that if we took off with the merchandise they were so very hot for, chances are they’d have followed us and left him alone (PROBLEM SOLVED), but apparently because I am cute and blond and giggly, NO ONE LISTENS TO ME. And, I guess the alchemist down the road was also getting his healing potions lifted, so these guys were a problem to other people.
We then spend a bunch of time waiting for these thieves to show up and, despite Anges hanging out looking extremely sexy and military and dangerous, they decide to just boldly rob the joint IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.
Idyril, even the THIEVES in this town are idiots!
However, having recently learned that murder is an actual crime, we managed to mostly not kill the lot of them, even though they are shifters, like they can become animalistic? I had been worried that we were going to be bonking a bunch of desperately poor people on the head, or worse, actual starving children, but because they were grown-ass cat-shifters the battle was kind of exhilarating, I must say, because even though I failed to keep hold of the ringleader lady, I found myself right in front of her quarry--the bags of jellies…
So, OF COURSE, I dumped out a bag, found a chili bean, and scorching rayed the shit out of the bad guys!
I mean, wouldn’t you? I’m pretty sure the frat boys are going to, and so I also may have taken the time to sweep the remaining jellies into my pocket, which is probably also a crime, but, Idyril… did you read the list of the available spells? I can only cast minor illusion, misty step, and command person, and it’s not like my chosen life path is going to give me many opportunities to learn more spells. Plus, now that I’ve tasted the chili jellybean, I can tell you for a fact that these are also yummy candies, so win/win, I say!
Anyway, I guess the constables were able to recover a whole bunch of the stolen jellies, so really the only ones missing are the ones I have and the few bags that the thieves were able to offload before we nabbed them. PROBLEM SOLVED + bonus spells for me!
I guess that was the best course of action, after all!
Since our next job is probably going to be transporting the merchandise to Simon’s Daddy, I may have to check out the local candy stores and buy a couple of bags of regular jelly beans. I mean, seriously, Idyril, do we WANT a bunch of college numbnuts being able to Inflict Wounds as part of fraternity hazing? I will be doing this Dumbass Dad a favor by saving him from being sued by the parents of these precious scions who are Being Educated in The Finest Institution. I mean, seriously, Idyrl is this man thinking at all? Does he not know any college students AT ALL?
Anyway, I’d never take all the jellies, just a few here and there, to cut down on the property damage.
I’m pretty sure if I stole them all, that would be illegal. Right? I mean, probably? Plus, I am discovering that “being caught” is a huge part of whether or not things are truly criminal or not.
Your sister,
Ave
P.S, Good news. I heard from Neville that the ship’s captain, the one who had been hauled off for murder, despite being clearly possessed by an evil magical item, got off.
As Mother has always told us: good solicitors are worth their weight in gold.
So, below the cut will be yet another rambling, stream-of-consciousness, run-on sentence filled letter to from Ave to Idryl. I will say, as a player, this was the most fun I've had with this group so far.
June 1
Some Bar, City of Stevenrik, Ceyan Empire
Dearest Idyril, (and Sierra!),
I think my team thinks I’m stupid. I mean, okay, I have a tendency to just say the things I’m thinking when I think them, but Anges (who I am desperately trying to impress to NO AVAIL) said something that implied that she thought that I was so dumb that I actually didn’t understand that you’re not supposed to wander around murdering people. Like, okay, I kind of didn’t? But to be fair to me, the thing that’s really news to me is that other people’s mothers don’t regularly poison and/or otherwise dispose of “obstacles” to their political power, like, casually, as an afterthought at breakfast, and that maybe, if you’re not under the influence of an evil magical weapon (or maybe even if you are,) THIS MIGHT BE CONSIDERED A CRIME.
Anyway, we all ended up having a huge discussion about crime, murder, and the law because we got hired by the biggest doofus ever to walk the earth (Hana agrees with me, by the way.)
So, you remember my little one-night-lay, Neville? It turns out he has this whole cadre of heirs and spares as friends, all of whom are like he is, in jobs they were born to have, like, literally, but that none of them want. VERY Relatable as you can well imagine.
Well so, one of these friends was this guy Simon, whose sob story is that his dad is an exacting taskmaster with Big Expectations for his children, just like Someone We Both Know Well. Simon inherited a magical shop, The Bright Mance, from his dad. Dad is some kind of magician or wizard savant. Dad built the business and the shop’s reputation only to then immediately dump it in his kid’s lap when the regional university, Cavri Uni, opened up a professorship and called him to it. So, Simon is left running a shop that he’s sort of interested in taking care of, sort of not?
And then people start taking advantage of him.
Simon’s got these really precious candies. Sounds stupid, right? Candy? Precious? HOW? Well, they’re called “spelly jellies,” which means that they are like jellybeans, only when you eat one, you immediately gain the power to cast a certain spell based on the flavor: mint (healing word), strawberry (goodberry), popcorn (guiding bolt), black licorice (inflict wounds,) pineapple (acid arrow), cinnamon (shield), and chili (scorching ray.) You suddenly can see why these are valuable, right? Like, each one is akin to having a one-use spell scroll because anyone can use them, regardless of magical ability. And, these bags have like a dozen or so of a random assortment in each, so each bag is probably worth anywhere from a 100 to 200 gold pieces.
AND HE JUST HAS THEM SITTING ON THE COUNTER.
When we ask what the deal is with that, Simon is all, “Oh, it’s alarmed. Try it.” So, I do, and sure enough an alarm goes off, a Very Loud and Scary Noise. I’m standing there waiting for more? It’s a magic shop, so the doors are going to Thurmatergy slam shut for sure, right? Surely, there will be more than A Very Big Noise.
But, nothing happens. So I ask, “No magical traps?” And, he’s all boggled by this idea like it NEVER OCCURRED TO HIM TO MAYBE TRAP THE THIEVES. At this point, Hana and I are talking to each other in Elvish because we are NOT convinced this guy is worth working for, on account of being so stupid. In fact, I decided to demonstrate just how easy it is to baffle his “alarm” and so I do it again. I grabbed a bag from its case, let the alarms blare, and run out the door. No one stops me. Outside, I put the jellies in my backpack, because WHY WOULDN’T I, THIS YAHOO WILL NEVER NOTICE, and then come back inside.
Anyway, Simon has to go deal with a customer at some point, so the whole party and I fall into a discussion about whether or not we want to help him. His biggest issue is that Daddy Dearest is That Guy and wants his inventory sent to him Right Now so he can make a killing selling these murder jellies to college kids (what could go wrong?) and he wants all fifty that he’d left behind. I am baffled why Simon wouldn’t just cut his losses, tell Daddio that he’s an amazing salesperson, and so all that’s left is these 40 out of 50. I told Simon I could totally forge receipts of sale, so PROBLEM SOLVED. If Simon didn’t want to go that route, (which why wouldn’t you, it makes you look good with Daddy,) we could also just go into town, buy a bunch of matching bags, some regular jelly beans, and just make up the missing ten bags by redistributing the existing beans. PROBLEM SOLVED. Given that the ability to use the spell fades after a certain time limit, it’s not like “duds” couldn’t be explained away. Honestly? Dad is planning on selling these to drunken frat boys who are probably going to acid arrow each other in the ass for funsies, and so maybe a few duds WOULDN’T BE SUCH A BAD IDEA.
Anyway, no one listens to me, and so we set up a stakeout, instead.
I guess Simon was worried that if we didn’t take care of the thieves they would just keep rolling him, and I guess that’s legit. But, my thought was that if we took off with the merchandise they were so very hot for, chances are they’d have followed us and left him alone (PROBLEM SOLVED), but apparently because I am cute and blond and giggly, NO ONE LISTENS TO ME. And, I guess the alchemist down the road was also getting his healing potions lifted, so these guys were a problem to other people.
We then spend a bunch of time waiting for these thieves to show up and, despite Anges hanging out looking extremely sexy and military and dangerous, they decide to just boldly rob the joint IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.
Idyril, even the THIEVES in this town are idiots!
However, having recently learned that murder is an actual crime, we managed to mostly not kill the lot of them, even though they are shifters, like they can become animalistic? I had been worried that we were going to be bonking a bunch of desperately poor people on the head, or worse, actual starving children, but because they were grown-ass cat-shifters the battle was kind of exhilarating, I must say, because even though I failed to keep hold of the ringleader lady, I found myself right in front of her quarry--the bags of jellies…
So, OF COURSE, I dumped out a bag, found a chili bean, and scorching rayed the shit out of the bad guys!
I mean, wouldn’t you? I’m pretty sure the frat boys are going to, and so I also may have taken the time to sweep the remaining jellies into my pocket, which is probably also a crime, but, Idyril… did you read the list of the available spells? I can only cast minor illusion, misty step, and command person, and it’s not like my chosen life path is going to give me many opportunities to learn more spells. Plus, now that I’ve tasted the chili jellybean, I can tell you for a fact that these are also yummy candies, so win/win, I say!
Anyway, I guess the constables were able to recover a whole bunch of the stolen jellies, so really the only ones missing are the ones I have and the few bags that the thieves were able to offload before we nabbed them. PROBLEM SOLVED + bonus spells for me!
I guess that was the best course of action, after all!
Since our next job is probably going to be transporting the merchandise to Simon’s Daddy, I may have to check out the local candy stores and buy a couple of bags of regular jelly beans. I mean, seriously, Idyril, do we WANT a bunch of college numbnuts being able to Inflict Wounds as part of fraternity hazing? I will be doing this Dumbass Dad a favor by saving him from being sued by the parents of these precious scions who are Being Educated in The Finest Institution. I mean, seriously, Idyrl is this man thinking at all? Does he not know any college students AT ALL?
Anyway, I’d never take all the jellies, just a few here and there, to cut down on the property damage.
I’m pretty sure if I stole them all, that would be illegal. Right? I mean, probably? Plus, I am discovering that “being caught” is a huge part of whether or not things are truly criminal or not.
Your sister,
Ave
P.S, Good news. I heard from Neville that the ship’s captain, the one who had been hauled off for murder, despite being clearly possessed by an evil magical item, got off.
As Mother has always told us: good solicitors are worth their weight in gold.