Up-Coming Writing Gig Stress

[lydamorehouse]

 I should probably friends-lock this in case the student who reached out to me to do this gig in question actually reads my blog, but I feel like that's both generally unlikely and also that maybe I've been losing readers since I started posting my D&D stuff... so I'm not going to. No one is reading this. Plus, what I have to say doesn't reflect badly on anyone but myself.

And possibly not even that. 

Really, this problem is silly. (And to that end: I don't need advice. I just want to sing my complaining song.)

So, okay, context: I get the occasional requests for teaching/speaking gigs just by the nature of being a published author. I'm really down with these? I like talking to people, in public. Unlike my more shy or reserved colleagues, doing a public speaking gig is no skin off my nose and in fact I tend to really dig them. I do a lot of speaking for free, in fact. The gigs that pay me, usually do so minimally.

A little more context: It is important to know, as I revealed in a recent post about my visit to a student's middle school class, I don't really like PRESENTING. I'm not a lecturer. I like the discussion method of teaching, in part because it leans into a skillset that I have perfected and honed over the years, namely: pulling sh*t out of my a$$. This sounds like I'm lazy (which is true to some extent,) but this is also me at my best, FOR REAL I'm more lively and entertaining and... if it's going to happen at all, here is where you might see the occasional flashes of actual brilliance from me. Not to toot my own horn too much, but bullsh*ting my way into a really good lecture is my superpower.

But, so, okay. Here's the complaining song.

I have an upcoming gig this weekend to speak to a writing club. This is one where, initially, they'd hoped to have me in-person. Unfortunately, while the event venue still in the region, this writing club is a hotel night stay away. Due to the fact that part of activating my superpower involves engaging other people in my madness and dragging them along (sometimes kicking and screaming, see: my previous Loft class), I would've considered driving anywhere that was a reasonable day trip for me. Being able to dance around in a physical space does wonders for "class involvement," I've found. Unfortunately, this gig is JUST outside of day trip range. 

Zoom was offered by them as an alternative, so, after considering all of these factors, I agreed... somewhat reluctantly. I tend to like Zoom just fine? I feel less excited when it's something like this, but I can pull my magic trick superpower on Zoom? It just takes some extra effort and a lot of the times the results of Zoom teaching (particularly a one-off like this) just doesn't feel as satisfying. I tend to feel more like I'm babbling than engaging in the "might be brilliant if we keep going and hit on that magic moment" skillset, you know? I don't like to complain about What Is Wrong With Zoom because I have had really excellent classes on Zoom and I'm mad that Zoom is disappearing as an option for many of us, and so the complaining song isn't necessarily about the fact that this class/lecture/gig is now a Zoom thing.

BECAUSE, the real problem is: the venue folks then dropped in how much they were thinking about paying me.

Let me put it in these terms (although this will possibly give you an inflated sense of the amount, since I am actually paid peanuts to teach) but they offered to pay me HALF of what I normally get for a full eight-session course at the Loft.* To me, this is a lot of money. This is nowhere even close to a Neil Gaiman speaks at the library amount of money, but it's not nothing. More importantly for the context of this post... this amount of compensation is edging into the WAIT, SH*T, I SHOULD PROBABLY ACTUALLY PREP BECAUSE THEY'RE EXPECTING SOMETHING WORTH THAT AMOUNT territory for me. 

Aye, there's the rub.

You guys, I think I need to maybe prepare...a thing? Do the kids do Power Point any more? I am not good at this. I am unhappy. Send sympathy and cookies. Until Saturday evening, I will be staring at my screen crying a lot because I swear to all the gods that the second I write out writing advice in black & white it all looks so stupid. "Ya know, write... maybe?"

Is that gem worth this  kind of money??? SEEMS LIKE NO.

I'm screwed.


--
*For context on the payment, one decent hotel night, road food, and a couple of tanks of gas would virtually wipe out the amount they are going to pay me. I would have some change? But not a lot. Add the hassle factor of losing an entire weekend to driving back and forth while leaving Shawn without a car and the change leftover seems even smaller. I will admit that I still considered it? I do these things for free? So, it's not really about the money in that sense, more that now that I'm not paying to travel it feels like a LOT.

Comments

[naomikritzer]

I am torn between not understanding why this is a problem, and totally understanding the "oh god they're paying me, nowthey'll expect REAL CONTENT" problem.

You know what's even funnier is when you don't really prep because they're not paying you and you show up and bullshit your way through and then two weeks later a check arrives. (Pro tip: tell us up front if you're paying us! You'll get more preparation!)

[lydamorehouse]

Hahaha, yes! I remember that particular gig of yours.

But, I fully admit that this is NOT really a problem. It's only a problem for me because I feel this insane desire to give people what they're paying for and I tend to generally undervalue the work I do and so paying me what is probably a DECENT WAGE has me frozen in the I DON'T THINK I'M WORTH THAT stage.

I think the flipside of this is that I have been generally feeling like my lectures/events could use more prep? Like, I was haunted by the fear that I was not prepared for Loft class, when, in the past, armed with the sense that I know my shit, I have gone into classes on a wing and a prayer and done spectacularly, possibly better than when I prepare.

I blame Kaylee or whatever he name was from the Loft summer program.

Fully.

[caffeine]

Let's talk about presentation, since I do a ton of that. And I am just the opposite, I want a PPT deck for every meeting, just in case someone else doesn't have one, or I need to make a few points on different topics, or... well, the list goes on. I conducted 3 meetings today. I had a 7-slide deck, 3-slide deck, and another 3-slide deck. Intro (Meeting topic, date), Agenda/ToC, Content.

So, PPT, with all of its flaws and abuses, is still the standard. Although, if you are giving your PPT to people, I recommend exporting it to PDF so you have an unalterable (well, mostly) "this is what I delivered" version (but still present from your PPT). Another "+" in the PPT column is that they recently rolled out a Record option, so you can record the slide, your smiling face, and your audio within the PPT itself and export to a video. I just used that for an internal presentation last week.

If you want something more interactive, you can go with Miro or Mural (very similar products). I have used Miro (think a virtual/multi-user version of putting Post-Its on the wall with infinite wall space) for lessons learned, opportunities, things like that. It also has a "slide" function where you can take a frame and create an order to your frames, and walk through them like a PPT, but then you get to your interactive bit and people can participate. It also allows you to "lock" certain areas so that when you are doing your interactive part, no one can change your other content.

[lydamorehouse]

This all sounds intense and like a whole new learning curve. Dude. I barely know how to hit 'share screen' on Zoom.

[sabotabby]

I have reading comprehension fail and I read it as "they dropped in half what they were planning on paying me" because it was Zoom and I was about to go on a very nuanced rant but like, okay good! They should pay you what you're worth. Creatives gotta get paid. They probably got a grant. I am looking at paying a guest artist an unreasonable amount of money for an unreasonably low number of kids because I may be able to get someone else to pay for it.

PowerPoint is good. You can stick silly gifs in. My kids don't like that but kids with a sense of humour do.

[lydamorehouse]

Well, I believe this gig is for adults, so maybe funny gifs will work for them.

Almost everyone I have tried to talk in-person to about this "problem" of mine also assumes that I'm feeling guilty about the money because I don't think I'm worth it. I do. Feeling like I am a professional who should not only be paid, but paid a living wage is NEVER an issue for me. I personally think we're all worth basic guarantied income just for existing in a Capitalist society, so there's that.

My problem is that I feel like the amount of work I want to put into this project, which is NONE to LITTLE TO NONE, is maybe only okay only up to a certain price point. And, at this point, I've done way more complaining about it than actually working on it, so it will probably still fall into the WELL, WHAT THE FUCK, I'M THROWING THIS TOGETHER LAST MINUTE, HERE GOES category anyway. :-)

[lcohen]

i am about to do my first PPT presentation ever, also over Zoom, tomorrow. to the whole division. which is to say, i have a lot of empathy to send your way. i am not being paid any extra--this is part of a series of "introduce what your dept does to the division since we have so many new people who joined the press since the pandemic began" talks by every dept--only i am a dept of one person, so it's more like "defending your life."

[lydamorehouse]

OMG, this sounds far more horrible than my situation by a power of x1,000.

Work presentations are generally the worst, and ones that have an unspoken 'an now you have to defend why you are worth our money' are the absolute pits.

I'm going to be fine. I will never see these people again in my life, so if I fuck up I will probably still get paid?