This Sucks...

[lydamorehouse]

A friend of mine pointed out that she's been anxiously awaiting cat news, so I suppose I should catch you all up on it.

Ms. Ball stopped eating several days ago now. As I think I reported, we tried to coax her back in the habit with Entyce, an appetite stimulant, which the vet had prescribed. No good. She would still come to the kitchen, but then turn her face away.

She's become listless and despondent.

Yet, I was never ready to make the call for in-home euthanasia, because... well, honestly, I had hoped she'd pass naturally. Plus, she's been such a trouper. I guess, even though I KNOW better, some part of me continued to hope for a chance for a recovery, you know? I thought, surely, if this is meant to be, it will just _happen_.

Ms Ball has started to signal that she needs help dying.

At least that's how I read the fact that, twice, when we've opened the literal door to go out, Ms. Ball has lurched her way outside. It's as if she's saying, "Would like to leave now, thank you."

I should say that even though she came to us as a stray, Ball is an indoor cat. We have another kitty, Deliah, who loves to make a break for the great out of doors to eat grass and sniff things. The times that Ball has gotten out, she runs around panicked because: DOES NOT LIKE.

Even so, the first time she made her way outside, I thought, "Is this some kind of last minute explore? Does she want to say goodbye to the outside world???" But, the second time, it seemed much more insistent in a, "I would like to LEAVE now, you stupid-ass monkeys," way, just like, "Hello, I am standing in the kitchen and staring at the counter where you prepare our food, so this should be obvious to even the dumbest primate that I would like FOOD NOW, thank you" is a clear gesture, you know?

So after much deliberation, we have made a call to the Loving Arms folks and they are coming tonight between 5 and 6 pm. I HATE this. I don't want to be the one deciding when Ball dies, but I can't imagine that days without food, no matter how quiet she's seemed, isn't SUFFERING.

So, that sucks.

Yesterday, I skipped being with my usual ladies for our Friday writing gathering to stay home to be with Ball. I let her sleep in my arms while I watched a sappy Japanese soap opera called Final Fantasy XIV: Dad of Light. Its a Netflix original about a young man who tries to reconnect with his dad through video gaming. I ended up reviewing it on MangaKast, if you're interested in reading my take on it.

Mason is currently at the robotics kick-off. (He's the one in front second from the right with the gray hoodie and dorky smile.)



He had to chose between work and robotics today, so that was tough--especially since work was team kick-off. So it was robotics first day or first day with his new work team. He handled the choice well (doing all the due diligence about informing his team leader, etc.) and I think, ultimately, this was the right pick. Work will be there. Robotics season is temporary.  Both are worthy STEM projects, so....

I should try to eat lunch.

Comments

[witchymint]

I'm sorry to hear about Ball. When our cat, Sif, was passing away a few years ago she tried several times to go outside, as if to find a quiet and sheltered place to die. It's tough making the call but you're thinking of her and easing her pain, for all that's worth.

[lydamorehouse]

Thank you. I'm comforted to hear that Sif did something similar. This has been such an awful time and it's so, so hard to know what's best for the kitty, as opposed to what's best for _me._

[opakele]

You are making the right call.

I'm so sorry.

[lydamorehouse]

Thank you so much for that.

[bcholmes]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about Ball.

[lydamorehouse]

Thanks, BC. It's been a tough start to the new year for me (but I'm looking forward to gaming. That should cheer me.)

[sundog]

I'm so sorry to hear about Ball. May her passing be easy and peaceful.

[lydamorehouse]

Thank you. It was. I have no idea if it's the sort of thing I should write about in full, but--for as awful as the moment was, it was the very best it could have been, you know?

[sundog]

I completely understand. I think it's entirely up to you whether you write about it or not. I've lost many beloved pets over time, some I've written about their passings/and lives simultaneously and others just a quick noting in my journal dependent on my mood.

Still, I'm incredibly sorry for your loss.

[silailo]

I am very sad and sorry to hear about Ms. Ball. She is in good, loving hands, and it sounds like she had a good life. It is good that she can conclude her life among those who care about her.

[lydamorehouse]

Mason, whose kitty she has always been, was able to hold her at the very end, so I believe that she was literally held in loving arms. It was hard and awful, but for what it was, it was the best it could be. Thank you so much for all your thoughts.

[retromoon]

i'm so sorry about ms. ball. i hope you know that by helping her pass on when she is suffering, you're doing the right thing. i have no doubt that you've done a wonderful job in taking care of her during her life, and this is just...the last thing ms. ball needs from her Humans.

anyway, take whatever time you need to grieve, you'll definitely be in my thoughts :(

[lydamorehouse]

Thank you. It's really helpful for me to hear that. It was hard, but she did pass peacefully.

[xochiquetzl]

I’m so sorry. :(

[lydamorehouse]

Thank you. We're going to miss her every day.

[umadoshi]

I'm so, so sorry. This being the loving thing doesn't make it easier. ;_;

[lydamorehouse]

It certainly doesn't. But, it really did seem like the right time. I may write about it in detail (under a cut,) we'lll see.

[bibliofile]

I'm so sorry about Ms. Ball. Such a fine kitty, to tell you what she needs. Such a good cat, period.

[lydamorehouse]

So true. This was the perfect thing to say, thanks.

[j00j]

Much love to you all and to Ball. I hope she passed peacefully (I'm so glad in-home options for this are readily available). May you all and your other animals find comfort.

[lydamorehouse]

Thank you so much.

[abracanabra]

I am sorry for your loss.

[lydamorehouse]

Thanks.