Sorry, Older Lesbians, Queer is Not Your Clubhouse

[lydamorehouse]

I volunteered this morning at Quatrefoil Library, like I do, from time to time.  As I was leaving, I ran into an older lesbian (the library shares its space with a 55+ queer-friendly and low-income housing) who saw me leaving the library and assumed I worked there. She wanted to know if the board position had been filed. I told her I thought it had, but they can always use more volunteers, so she should check with the staff when the library was open. I 'leaned in' a little to say that Q Library specifically needs more lesbians.  She leaned in deeper to say, "More *identified* lesbians."  I pulled back and give her the ?? stare.  She says, "Oh, I talked to some woman there not long ago and she was all, 'oh, I dunno, asexual, I guess?'"  I'm standing there with my mouth open because I'm thinking, "And?" and this woman thinks I'm aghast for a different reason and continues with, "I know, right? What did we fight for, eh? So these kids can be 'oh I don't know!'"  She's super affronted and horrified and kind of goes on in this manner for a while.  I just go, "Um." And make my excuses and leave, but in the car, I'm thinking about this exchange and I'm reminded, too, about some other older feminists in my life and conversations I've had with them and I WISH I had had the wherewithal to say, "Look, I'm sorry, but GLBTQIA+ is not some club *you* founded. It's an IDENTITY. You don't get to decide who is a member or not.  That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. Ace and Questioning are absolutely part of the queer spectrum!"

But, I didn't.

I hate that. I also hate the assumption that because I'm (white and) older now, I'm down with whatever they-think-they're-still-the-radicals-but-they-actually-are-the-empitome-of-conservative agenda these other older, white women have.  The moment you say, "we fought for" in past tense, sisters, you're not radical.  Radical is walking in the now, present-tense--knowing what your twenty-something and under comrades are fighting for today and supporting THAT (or at LEAST shutting up and listening.)

I hate this especially now. We need -all- our allies, even the ones that don't fit into whatever image you have for queerness.  You'd think the older lesbians would remember that. You'd think they'd remember what it was like when we were all outsiders, all under attack.

Comments

[wild_irises]

Oh, I hear you SO MUCH!

[bibliofile]

Excellent post!!! Especially Radical is walking in the now, present-tense--knowing what your twenty-something and under comrades are fighting for today and supporting THAT (or at LEAST shutting up and listening.)