Marriage Thinky-Thoughts
Sep. 9th, 2014 12:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lydamorehouseShawn and I have been married for over a year now, and I have to say that I'm getting much better at calling her my "wife."
Every time it comes out of my mouth, I still cringe a little inside, though. I tell myself this label only feels gross because I never wanted to be anyone's wife, because, in those days, it meant something in apron strings... with cookies (but not the yummy Dark Side kind)... and a promise to obey. But, the kids these days don't see that. That hasn't been the reality of a 'wife' for a long time anyway, and you know, marriage is something we fought for an won, so I should be proud that the law is finally on our side.
It still sounds weird.
But I force myself to say it to people who need to hear it, which is pretty much anyone who deals with me in some kind service fashion where having a spouse means someone else has access to information and a right to make joint decisions, etc. Shawn still prefers a more neutral term like "spouse" but I'm not sure that gets heard the same way. Honestly, given Shawn's gender neutral name, I often feel that saying 'wife' (even while I cringe through it) clears up potential awkwardness that could come later.
I suppose, with luck, in the future none of this will matter, or it will matter in a different way. Maybe, at some point, we'll all refer to that person as our 'legal spouse' and then find another way to indicate gender. (Because, you know, I read "My Lesbian Husband" back in the day, and I will parenthetically [aka 'secretly'] admit I find the term husband weirdly more appealing than wife. But I can NOT imagining anyone to call me that, not even Shawn.)
Every time it comes out of my mouth, I still cringe a little inside, though. I tell myself this label only feels gross because I never wanted to be anyone's wife, because, in those days, it meant something in apron strings... with cookies (but not the yummy Dark Side kind)... and a promise to obey. But, the kids these days don't see that. That hasn't been the reality of a 'wife' for a long time anyway, and you know, marriage is something we fought for an won, so I should be proud that the law is finally on our side.
It still sounds weird.
But I force myself to say it to people who need to hear it, which is pretty much anyone who deals with me in some kind service fashion where having a spouse means someone else has access to information and a right to make joint decisions, etc. Shawn still prefers a more neutral term like "spouse" but I'm not sure that gets heard the same way. Honestly, given Shawn's gender neutral name, I often feel that saying 'wife' (even while I cringe through it) clears up potential awkwardness that could come later.
I suppose, with luck, in the future none of this will matter, or it will matter in a different way. Maybe, at some point, we'll all refer to that person as our 'legal spouse' and then find another way to indicate gender. (Because, you know, I read "My Lesbian Husband" back in the day, and I will parenthetically [aka 'secretly'] admit I find the term husband weirdly more appealing than wife. But I can NOT imagining anyone to call me that, not even Shawn.)