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Up-Coming Writing Gig Stress
Apr. 18th, 2023 11:13 am I should probably friends-lock this in case the student who reached out to me to do this gig in question actually reads my blog, but I feel like that's both generally unlikely and also that maybe I've been losing readers since I started posting my D&D stuff... so I'm not going to. No one is reading this. Plus, what I have to say doesn't reflect badly on anyone but myself.
And possibly not even that.
Really, this problem is silly. (And to that end: I don't need advice. I just want to sing my complaining song.)
So, okay, context: I get the occasional requests for teaching/speaking gigs just by the nature of being a published author. I'm really down with these? I like talking to people, in public. Unlike my more shy or reserved colleagues, doing a public speaking gig is no skin off my nose and in fact I tend to really dig them. I do a lot of speaking for free, in fact. The gigs that pay me, usually do so minimally.
A little more context: It is important to know, as I revealed in a recent post about my visit to a student's middle school class, I don't really like PRESENTING. I'm not a lecturer. I like the discussion method of teaching, in part because it leans into a skillset that I have perfected and honed over the years, namely: pulling sh*t out of my a$$. This sounds like I'm lazy (which is true to some extent,) but this is also me at my best, FOR REAL I'm more lively and entertaining and... if it's going to happen at all, here is where you might see the occasional flashes of actual brilliance from me. Not to toot my own horn too much, but bullsh*ting my way into a really good lecture is my superpower.
But, so, okay. Here's the complaining song.
I have an upcoming gig this weekend to speak to a writing club. This is one where, initially, they'd hoped to have me in-person. Unfortunately, while the event venue still in the region, this writing club is a hotel night stay away. Due to the fact that part of activating my superpower involves engaging other people in my madness and dragging them along (sometimes kicking and screaming, see: my previous Loft class), I would've considered driving anywhere that was a reasonable day trip for me. Being able to dance around in a physical space does wonders for "class involvement," I've found. Unfortunately, this gig is JUST outside of day trip range.
Zoom was offered by them as an alternative, so, after considering all of these factors, I agreed... somewhat reluctantly. I tend to like Zoom just fine? I feel less excited when it's something like this, but I can pull my magic trick superpower on Zoom? It just takes some extra effort and a lot of the times the results of Zoom teaching (particularly a one-off like this) just doesn't feel as satisfying. I tend to feel more like I'm babbling than engaging in the "might be brilliant if we keep going and hit on that magic moment" skillset, you know? I don't like to complain about What Is Wrong With Zoom because I have had really excellent classes on Zoom and I'm mad that Zoom is disappearing as an option for many of us, and so the complaining song isn't necessarily about the fact that this class/lecture/gig is now a Zoom thing.
BECAUSE, the real problem is: the venue folks then dropped in how much they were thinking about paying me.
Let me put it in these terms (although this will possibly give you an inflated sense of the amount, since I am actually paid peanuts to teach) but they offered to pay me HALF of what I normally get for a full eight-session course at the Loft.* To me, this is a lot of money. This is nowhere even close to a Neil Gaiman speaks at the library amount of money, but it's not nothing. More importantly for the context of this post... this amount of compensation is edging into the WAIT, SH*T, I SHOULD PROBABLY ACTUALLY PREP BECAUSE THEY'RE EXPECTING SOMETHING WORTH THAT AMOUNT territory for me.
Aye, there's the rub.
You guys, I think I need to maybe prepare...a thing? Do the kids do Power Point any more? I am not good at this. I am unhappy. Send sympathy and cookies. Until Saturday evening, I will be staring at my screen crying a lot because I swear to all the gods that the second I write out writing advice in black & white it all looks so stupid. "Ya know, write... maybe?"
Is that gem worth this kind of money??? SEEMS LIKE NO.
I'm screwed.
--
*For context on the payment, one decent hotel night, road food, and a couple of tanks of gas would virtually wipe out the amount they are going to pay me. I would have some change? But not a lot. Add the hassle factor of losing an entire weekend to driving back and forth while leaving Shawn without a car and the change leftover seems even smaller. I will admit that I still considered it? I do these things for free? So, it's not really about the money in that sense, more that now that I'm not paying to travel it feels like a LOT.
And possibly not even that.
Really, this problem is silly. (And to that end: I don't need advice. I just want to sing my complaining song.)
So, okay, context: I get the occasional requests for teaching/speaking gigs just by the nature of being a published author. I'm really down with these? I like talking to people, in public. Unlike my more shy or reserved colleagues, doing a public speaking gig is no skin off my nose and in fact I tend to really dig them. I do a lot of speaking for free, in fact. The gigs that pay me, usually do so minimally.
A little more context: It is important to know, as I revealed in a recent post about my visit to a student's middle school class, I don't really like PRESENTING. I'm not a lecturer. I like the discussion method of teaching, in part because it leans into a skillset that I have perfected and honed over the years, namely: pulling sh*t out of my a$$. This sounds like I'm lazy (which is true to some extent,) but this is also me at my best, FOR REAL I'm more lively and entertaining and... if it's going to happen at all, here is where you might see the occasional flashes of actual brilliance from me. Not to toot my own horn too much, but bullsh*ting my way into a really good lecture is my superpower.
But, so, okay. Here's the complaining song.
I have an upcoming gig this weekend to speak to a writing club. This is one where, initially, they'd hoped to have me in-person. Unfortunately, while the event venue still in the region, this writing club is a hotel night stay away. Due to the fact that part of activating my superpower involves engaging other people in my madness and dragging them along (sometimes kicking and screaming, see: my previous Loft class), I would've considered driving anywhere that was a reasonable day trip for me. Being able to dance around in a physical space does wonders for "class involvement," I've found. Unfortunately, this gig is JUST outside of day trip range.
Zoom was offered by them as an alternative, so, after considering all of these factors, I agreed... somewhat reluctantly. I tend to like Zoom just fine? I feel less excited when it's something like this, but I can pull my magic trick superpower on Zoom? It just takes some extra effort and a lot of the times the results of Zoom teaching (particularly a one-off like this) just doesn't feel as satisfying. I tend to feel more like I'm babbling than engaging in the "might be brilliant if we keep going and hit on that magic moment" skillset, you know? I don't like to complain about What Is Wrong With Zoom because I have had really excellent classes on Zoom and I'm mad that Zoom is disappearing as an option for many of us, and so the complaining song isn't necessarily about the fact that this class/lecture/gig is now a Zoom thing.
BECAUSE, the real problem is: the venue folks then dropped in how much they were thinking about paying me.
Let me put it in these terms (although this will possibly give you an inflated sense of the amount, since I am actually paid peanuts to teach) but they offered to pay me HALF of what I normally get for a full eight-session course at the Loft.* To me, this is a lot of money. This is nowhere even close to a Neil Gaiman speaks at the library amount of money, but it's not nothing. More importantly for the context of this post... this amount of compensation is edging into the WAIT, SH*T, I SHOULD PROBABLY ACTUALLY PREP BECAUSE THEY'RE EXPECTING SOMETHING WORTH THAT AMOUNT territory for me.
Aye, there's the rub.
You guys, I think I need to maybe prepare...a thing? Do the kids do Power Point any more? I am not good at this. I am unhappy. Send sympathy and cookies. Until Saturday evening, I will be staring at my screen crying a lot because I swear to all the gods that the second I write out writing advice in black & white it all looks so stupid. "Ya know, write... maybe?"
Is that gem worth this kind of money??? SEEMS LIKE NO.
I'm screwed.
--
*For context on the payment, one decent hotel night, road food, and a couple of tanks of gas would virtually wipe out the amount they are going to pay me. I would have some change? But not a lot. Add the hassle factor of losing an entire weekend to driving back and forth while leaving Shawn without a car and the change leftover seems even smaller. I will admit that I still considered it? I do these things for free? So, it's not really about the money in that sense, more that now that I'm not paying to travel it feels like a LOT.