Can You Be Jealous of Your Psuedonym?
May. 9th, 2006 05:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lydamorehouseSo, I just heard from my editor that my pseudonym’s book hit not one, but two bestseller lists. The first was BookScan, upon which she hit #10 in the fantasy trade paperback category, and the second was Barnes & Noble where she was briefly #6 in the romance trade paperback list.
Let’s just say I’m so very happy for her. (Imagine all the sarcasm you want.)
Of course, feeling this way is fairly insane. I mean, obviously, I want her… er, me to do well, because, well, she’s me and I am her and all that. But another part of me is thinking, “that, bitch!” why is she getting all the glory!? I write as well as she does (and ain’t that the truth), I have the same editor, how come the books with my name on them aren’t best sellers?
It’s frustrating, too, because, while this is on one hand exactly what I wanted to happen, it seems unfair that someone who is technically a first time author should have such sudden and overwhelming success. Part of it is that I always told myself that when my books didn’t sell well that one of the major hurtles I was overcoming was the reluctance of book buyers to try anything by a new, first-time author. I told myself that the fact my books didn’t fly off the shelf was because being a first-time author was one of the publishing industry’s Catch-22s, i.e. no one knows you, so you don’t sell well; you don’t sell well because no one knows you. Thus, I spent a great deal of my time (and personal money) attempting self-promotion so that by the time my book did come out, people might know who I was and thus buy my book. It worked to some extent. Archangel Protocol earned out, which is to say that enough people bought copies of my book that I received royalties.
But… now this other woman comes along and kicks that theory in the ass.
Since we’re the same person, I can’t say that my pseudonym’s success has to do with the fact that she writes a better book than I do. She writes a very different book, and clearly that’s a large part of it. There’s a market for what she writes, and there wasn’t so much, for me.
This also makes me a bit jealous, though. I love what I wrote as my pseudonym. I’m very proud of this new book, but, on a very deep level, it distresses me that when I asked my editor what I had to do to make it in this town, he told me the hot market, I wrote to it, and whammo. I guess that when I think about it, that’s not so much what bothers me. What bums me out is that that adage that “good books will sell” is clearly crap. When I sat down to write the AngeLINK series, I wrote the very best books I could write – books that critics called all those words you want to hear “original,” “innovative,” etc. Turns out I needn’t have worked quite so hard.
Original doesn’t sell.
No, strike that. I don’t want to become a jaded author who tells her students that the only true way to make a success in this business is to sell your soul to the highest bidder. Because, even though evidence may seem to the contrary, that’s not entirely what I did. What I did was get up after a hard fall. What I did was say, I love to write so much that I will do this no matter what, and I will do my best in whatever field I can make a name for myself. And, to be perfectly honest the genre my pseudonym writes in is one I read. In other words, if I wasn’t me, I’d read my book. And, as always, when I sat down to write her book, I wrote the kind of book I’d love to read.
I should be ecstatic that, for once, other people love it too.
And I am. Really.
I just wish I’d had this kind of success, too.
Let’s just say I’m so very happy for her. (Imagine all the sarcasm you want.)
Of course, feeling this way is fairly insane. I mean, obviously, I want her… er, me to do well, because, well, she’s me and I am her and all that. But another part of me is thinking, “that, bitch!” why is she getting all the glory!? I write as well as she does (and ain’t that the truth), I have the same editor, how come the books with my name on them aren’t best sellers?
It’s frustrating, too, because, while this is on one hand exactly what I wanted to happen, it seems unfair that someone who is technically a first time author should have such sudden and overwhelming success. Part of it is that I always told myself that when my books didn’t sell well that one of the major hurtles I was overcoming was the reluctance of book buyers to try anything by a new, first-time author. I told myself that the fact my books didn’t fly off the shelf was because being a first-time author was one of the publishing industry’s Catch-22s, i.e. no one knows you, so you don’t sell well; you don’t sell well because no one knows you. Thus, I spent a great deal of my time (and personal money) attempting self-promotion so that by the time my book did come out, people might know who I was and thus buy my book. It worked to some extent. Archangel Protocol earned out, which is to say that enough people bought copies of my book that I received royalties.
But… now this other woman comes along and kicks that theory in the ass.
Since we’re the same person, I can’t say that my pseudonym’s success has to do with the fact that she writes a better book than I do. She writes a very different book, and clearly that’s a large part of it. There’s a market for what she writes, and there wasn’t so much, for me.
This also makes me a bit jealous, though. I love what I wrote as my pseudonym. I’m very proud of this new book, but, on a very deep level, it distresses me that when I asked my editor what I had to do to make it in this town, he told me the hot market, I wrote to it, and whammo. I guess that when I think about it, that’s not so much what bothers me. What bums me out is that that adage that “good books will sell” is clearly crap. When I sat down to write the AngeLINK series, I wrote the very best books I could write – books that critics called all those words you want to hear “original,” “innovative,” etc. Turns out I needn’t have worked quite so hard.
Original doesn’t sell.
No, strike that. I don’t want to become a jaded author who tells her students that the only true way to make a success in this business is to sell your soul to the highest bidder. Because, even though evidence may seem to the contrary, that’s not entirely what I did. What I did was get up after a hard fall. What I did was say, I love to write so much that I will do this no matter what, and I will do my best in whatever field I can make a name for myself. And, to be perfectly honest the genre my pseudonym writes in is one I read. In other words, if I wasn’t me, I’d read my book. And, as always, when I sat down to write her book, I wrote the kind of book I’d love to read.
I should be ecstatic that, for once, other people love it too.
And I am. Really.
I just wish I’d had this kind of success, too.
