Kinda not Ready...

[lydamorehouse]

 I'm trying to work on my lesbian novella on the other screen, but I am sitting here feeling awkward and... guilty?... and sad because a group of my friends is gathering right now, without me.

I want to be with them.

I am an extrovert by nature, but there's a couple of things going on. First, my family isn't yet fully immunized. Everyone's had their first shot, and I KNOW that confers a certain amount of immunity right away, but... even if they weren't? It's been a really long year of isolation. I'm feeling very vulnerable in gatherings. I'm just... I need to go slowly back into all of this, you know?

I had to take the public bus yesterday to pick up my car from the repair shop and... that exhausted me. 

I wouldn't mind starting to see people one-on-one, but there's a huge amount of pressure to rush into small gatherings.... and I've been a little broken by all this, y'all? I need time. I don't know that my friends are going to be truly okay giving it to me because we have all talked about how much we want this. 

And I do too?

But just... slowly please, and with care.

Can I ask for this? It's really hard.