I totally get what you're saying about death. After Ella died, I went through a very similar thing. Other parents have the weirdest tendency to see you pushing your smol on a swing and say, "Oh, is he your only child?" Like, what? I'm going to say, "No, I left the other one in the trunk of the car." But, this of course always put me, in particular, in a real conundrum. Do I say, "Yes," and deny that we had child who died, or say, "No," and then blurt out the fact that our first child was stillborn and then deal with their awkward responses.

I decided FUCK 'EM. I'm not responsible for how other people react and it felt AWFUL not to acknowledge the loss.

So, the scenario now goes:

Me: *swinging Mason next to some other parent, doing same to theirs* *accidentally make eye contact*

Them: "Is he your only child?"

Me: "No, our first, Ella, was stillborn."

Them: *clearly struck dumb with horror*

Me: "Yeah, I decided some time ago that I'm not responsible for how you're feeling right now. I need to acknowledge my loss. Otherwise I feel like I've betrayed her memory. Nice weather, huh?"

AWKWARD.

But, seriously, you and I are NOT responsible for the fact that Western culture doesn't fucking know how to deal with death. TOO BAD. I need to care for my own emotional well being and mental health!

So, yeah, I'm always going to be the awkward one in the room.

Come sit next to me. You are one of my people. We can be awkwardly overly vulnerable together.